No relationship is easy. Fights can happen, arguments can arise, and in the heat of the moment, we all can sometimes say things that we donât mean to. While our mouths often run off without our brains, itâs important to make sure that nothing we say during an argument can lead to deeply hurt feelings or a loss of trust – or to making the argument worse!
So, even when in the middle of an argument, there are definitely things that shouldnât be said.
Here Are 10 Sentences You Should Never Say In A Relationship
1. âYouâre overreacting.â
This is the easiest way to invalidate someoneâs emotions. Suggesting that your partner is overreacting is the easiest way to lead to hurt feelings. Besides, in the middle of an argument, emotions are going to be running high. Acknowledging how the other person feels is the best way to deal with those emotions. Suggesting that theyâre over-the-top or unnecessary is only going to make the other person even more upset.
2. âYou let me down.â
Even if your partner did disappoint you, itâs best to explain exactly how and why. Rather than pulling the disappointment card and making the other person feel guilty, try explaining the expectations that you had and what can be done in the future to help you and your partner achieve the needed goal. Trying to make the other person feel guilty isnât going to solve the problem; it’ll just make it worse.
3. âCalm down.â
Thereâs nothing that can rile a person up more than hearing someone tell them to calm down when theyâre not even close to overreacting. If they were throwing objects or screaming, this might be an appropriate phrase. However, if your partner is legitimately upset and expressing their emotions, albeit passionately, telling them to âcalm downâ is only going to have the opposite effect – while minimizing how they feel. Itâs best to let the other person say what they need to say and express how they feel.
4. âJust drop it.â
Sometimes, we all need to step away from an argument for our own mental health. However, thereâs a right way and a wrong way to do this. According to licensed mental health counselor Nicki Nance, âDon’t say anything dismissive in the middle of a conversation as a way to avoid talking about something uncomfortable. Dropping a conversation midway diminishes the importance of the relationship and makes your partner feel unheard.â
If the argument is getting to be too much, simply asking, âCan we take a break from this?â can pause the discussion until both people are feeling more capable of continuing. However, telling someone to âjust drop itâ is shutting down the discussion, locking the door, and throwing away the key.
5. âYouâre such aâŚâ
If this is followed by any kind of expletive, or anything other than â…kind and caring partnerâ, you might want to forgo finishing that sentence. Name-calling is not only immature, but it doesnât get the argument anywhere. In fact, if can be downright mean and one person can feel legitimately hurt when their partner resorts to name-calling or swearing in the middle of an argument. Sometimes, we say things we donât mean – and we canât always take them back afterward.
6. âMaybe we should break up.â
Threatening to walk out and leave the relationship during an argument is both manipulative and the cause of mistrust and hurt feelings. The only thing that pulling this particular card will do is make the other person feel like they have to walk on eggshells during a disagreement to avoid being broken up with. Out of all the things never to say during an argument or in the heat of the moment, this is the big one.
7. âYou donât know anything.â
âMaking someone feel worthless is harmful as it cuts to the core value of a person. It’s emotionally and spiritually violent, and it chips away at a person’s self-worth.â – Natasha Sandy
Differing opinions and disagreements happen in relationships all the time. Whether or not you and your partner agree has no bearing on what your partner does or doesnât know. The only thing this phrase will do is make the other person feel small. Itâs possible to disagree, even during an argument, in a respectful manner that doesnât insult the other personâs intelligence. According to counselor and therapist Natasha Sandy, âIt’s much easier to stop yourself from saying such disrespectful, hurtful words than it is to try undoing the damage afterward.â
8. âYouâre being crazy.â
Emotions can run high, but just because someone is emotional doesnât mean that theyâre not thinking logically. Dismissing someoneâs reality is cruel and unfair, and itâll only serve to make the other person distrusting in the relationship and less prone to sharing how theyâre really feeling. Allow your partner to explain and share their feelings and their perception of the situation without dismissing how they feel.
9. âItâs fine.â
Only say âitâs fineâ, if it really is fine, and then make sure to follow up with an assurance that yes, it is actually fine. If it – whatever it is – isnât actually fine, then your partner needs to know. While it may work to smooth over a bump in the road, the underlying problem in the foundation will still be there. The only way for things to be fine is if theyâre worked on by both partners, not if one partner is running away from the argument.
10. âIâm done.â
When someone says âIâm doneâ, the meaning is quite clear to their partner: theyâre not worth fighting for. According to licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, âThis statement sends a very abrupt and dismissive message to your partner that they can become expendable in an instant.â
If youâre not really done, donât say that you are. Again, this will only make the other person feel as if they have to be careful about what they say or feel, or risk being walked away from. If you need to step away from the argument, thatâs one thing. But donât throw it all away on one little fight!
Even in the middle of a passionate argument, itâs important that we keep our heads about us. Saying something we donât mean can damage a relationship, and there are always some things that are said that canât be taken back. Arguments can always be put on hold if we feel like we may say or do something weâll regret.
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