It’s hard to change your mindset when you’re in a slump that makes you feel you’re not good enough. You may be successful at work, school, or sports, but not at having a meaningful relationship, so you feel inadequate. You may wonder how to resist feelings of inadequacy. Here are six things you can do when you don’t feel good enough in life.
1 – Feelings aren’t trustworthy
Your feelings shift like sand on the beach. You might be having a great day, but then you read a couple of blogs, and you suddenly feel discouraged about your life. Your feelings are valid, but they’re not trustworthy. They lead you astray into believing what isn’t true about you and your life. Feelings lead you to compare yourself to others and make you feel you’re not good enough. Comparing yourself to someone else is always a slippery slope. Someone is always prettier, wealthier, has a perfect house, or a better job.
When you compare yourself to others, you either feel superior to them or inferior to them. Neither feeling is healthy or reliable. Don’t allow yourself to stay discouraged and feel inadequate.
Here are some practical ways to remember to rely on facts, not feelings:
Accept how you feel
Accept how you feel, but examine what’s going on in your heart to make you feel this way. Ask yourself some questions such as
- Am I feeling discouraged, guilty, or confused?
- What made me feel this way?
- Could this circumstance have a different perspective?
- What should I do with these feelings?
- Is there a better way to deal with them?
Keep a journal
Write about how you’re feeling. Journaling about your feelings improves your sense of well-being and relieves your mental anxiety. Writing your feelings decreases depressive thoughts and helps you become more resilient.
Resist negativity
Learn how to express your feelings without berating yourself or going into negative self-talk.
2 – Turn your negative self-talk to positive
Don’t believe everything you hear from yourself. When you’re not feeling good enough, it’s easy to fall into negative self-talk. You may tell yourself things like, “I’m not good enough as a parent” or “I’m not good enough to get that job.” These statements have no hope. They condemn you, leaving you with no sense of a solution. If you’re prone to this kind of self-talk, resist the urge to give in to this negative talk. Instead, when you have these thoughts, counter them with a positive statement.
Saying, “I may not get that job, but I’m going to keep trying” or “I make mistakes as a mom, but I know I love my kids. I can grow to be a better mom.” Don’t let your negative self-talk trick you into feeling inadequate. Turn your negative thoughts into positive, productive steps towards change.
3 – Remember that being perfect isn’t real
Do you feel like other people have perfect lives, but you don’t? Much of the so-called “perfection” you see online are staged or edited to look perfect. In reality, no one or nothing is perfect. Even the most beautiful person will eventually get old and wrinkled. If it’s lived in, the most beautiful home will become dirty and worn out. Because there’s no way, you can be perfect, trying to do so causes you to feel anxious and discouraged. Remember, being perfect is overrated. Being perfect isn’t real.
Social media tries to convince you that there is a certain way to decorate your home and a certain way to dress, but there are many ways to do these things in reality. You can decorate your home in a way that makes you and your family comfortable. You can dress in a way you find attractive. Letting go of the need to be perfect can be life-changing and exhilarating.
How can you resist perfectionism so you can feel good about yourself?
- Take a break from social media sites that you’re prone to compare yourself: One woman tells the story of how they had to stop reading homeschool blogs that made her feel deficient, like she wasn’t good enough as a home educator. Once she quit reading these blogs, the pressure lifted. She stopped trying to be like the people in the blogs.
- Let go of perfectionistic practices: Do you arrange and rearrange your home? Do you change clothes three times before going out? Give yourself a break. Just enjoy your home and your clothing the way they are. If you need new clothes, buy them. If you need to fix up your home, do it. But don’t pressure yourself.
- Enjoy people more than perfection: If you’re perfectionistic in how you keep your home, maybe it’s time to let things get messy so you can enjoy your life with all its imperfections. It’s easy to focus on the wrong things. Instead of trying to keep your home tidy, focus on taking time to play games with your kids or going out with friends for a meal. Focus more on people than on projects. You may find your life is more fun.
4 – Decide you are good enough
You have the unique power to change the way you feel and think. Choosing to believe that you’re good enough is the key to a better view of yourself. Your words can build up or tear down. It’s your choice about what you believe about yourself. One study found there’s a pattern of behavior in some people who doubt their abilities and struggle with fear of people seeing they’re a fraud. This behavior is called imposter syndrome. Even the most skilled, successful individuals can struggle with imposter syndrome. It can be related to mental health issues, pervasive self-doubt, burnout, and anxiety. Left untreated, it can lead to depression and suicide. If you think you may struggle with imposter syndrome, talk to your doctor about getting help. Talk to a counselor to find relief from this condition, so it doesn’t get out of control.
5 – Find a supportive community
If you struggle with feeling not being good enough, it can help you find yourself in a supportive community. A supportive community can help you get through tough times, whether it’s a bad day at school or a rough day with the kids. Helpful friends and family bring you love and acceptance not based on your performance or appearance but on who you are as a person. Being part of a community gives you the chance to help others and be helped.
Strong social connections lead to a longer life, less loneliness, and isolation. People who lack community are at risk of premature death, depression, and poor health. Having social relationships helps you deal with stress and enjoy better health habits. So, if you’re not in the community, find one so you can begin making solid relationships and break free from feelings of inadequacy.
6 – Grow your faith
Believing that God is at work in your life can help you find relief from feelings of inadequacy. Knowing that you are a child of God allows you to have an identity based on what God says about you rather than how you feel about yourself. This Lauren Daigle song, You Say, sums up the strong identity you have as God’s child when you believe in him. Listen and read the lyrics to yourself when you’re struggling with feelings that you’re not good enough.
Final thoughts on staying positive when you don’t feel good enough
If you’re struggling with feelings of inadequacy, you’re not alone. Even very successful people struggle with feeling like they’re not good enough in some areas of their life. You can do things to help yourself break free from these debilitating feelings. Not trusting your feelings, finding a solid community to build relationships, resisting the urge to use negative self-talk, and remembering that perfection isn’t possible are some things that might help you get out of your slump.
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