Deciding to enter in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person â whether intentional or not â is a decision that many come to regret. But falling for an unavailable person is remarkably easy, as traditional signs that may indicate an underlying problem donât often surface. Indeed, even the keenest judge of character could potentially make a life-altering relationship choice that will adversely affect them, sometimes irreparably.
Individuals in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person are often confused. This is especially true when the overall chemistry of the relationship is strongly felt. Eventually, the very-human act of falling in love with a person comes to fruition. At this level â one of commitment, adoration, and love â the real pain beginsâŚand hopefully, after a period of time, the pain ends.
When we place emotional stake into someone else, itâs serious business. We are sharing our souls, our hearts, our life with a person from whom we naturally seek reciprocation of those same sacrifices; when that reciprocation never comes, people get hurt.
It is important, then, that we all understand the signs of emotionally unavailable people. While this article focuses mainly on intimacy, the same underlying premise also applies to friendships.
A soul mate must be willing and available to have a relationship with you. If he or she is unavailable, this is not your soul mate at the present time. – Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author
Here are 9 befuddling behaviors of emotionally unavailable people:
1. Emotionally unavailable people play with emotions
âSo close, yet so far awayâ describes an emotionally unavailable person using just six words. You could skip the hypothetical course on emotional unavailability, and pass the exam with this phrase alone.
All smart-alecky comments aside, unavailable people often provoke all of the delightful feelings that surface during a relationship. Of course, such feelings are short-lived, as youâll be yanking at your hair in frustration and confusion shortly afterward.
2. Theyâre not respectful of your time
Even if an unavailable person is time-conscious in nearly every regard, they always seem to be late when picking you upâŚor seeing you somewhereâŚor pretty much anything that requires them to allocate time to you.
This type of irresponsible behavior is egregiously disrespectful. Odds are that you also have work and other responsibilities; places to go, people to see. Yet, they view your time as negligible.
3. Emotionally unavailable people personify ambiguity
Good luck trying to get a definitive answer to that relationship question.
Are we exclusive? âUh, Iâve gotta work early tomorrow.â
Time to meet the folks? âI want to, but now isnât right.â OkâŚwhen is âright?â What does ârightâ mean? The word ârightâ in the context of a relationship can be translated into a hundred different meanings.
Right. Thatâs the point.
4. They always seem to apologize
Sorry they didnât get your message. And sorry they were late (again). Sorry about yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.
It goes without saying, but if someone you love/care for always seems to begin conversation with âsorry,â there is a serious problem. The fact that theyâre really not sorry for anything is the real problem.
5. Theyâll make last-ditch âeffortsâ
Itâs been a month since you decided to take a break. After all, things werenât looking so good for a while. Youâve settled back into your routineâŚmaybe even considered texting that one guy/gal for a coffee date.
Then a text, or call, or unexpected visit. Weird timing.
6. Emotionally unavailable people are poor communicators
On one side of the communication spectrum, folks freak out if a reply isnât received within 5 seconds. On the other, weâve got the unavailable type. Their communication habits tend to resemble how one would interact with their second cousin; not their love interest.
When you do receive a timely response â or any type of communication, really â you would need to be a cryptologist to construct the almost non-existent detail. Awesome.
7. They always âforgotâ
Quite similar to âsorry,â an emotionally unavailable person will say the word âforgotâ more in a week than most will their entire life. A thorough and rational explanation of this really isnât necessary.
âI forgotâ is a poor excuse â a copout. Just as âIâm sorryâ or âIâll do it laterâ or (insert commonly-used excuse phrase) is.
8. They always leave you flummoxed
Ask any person that has been involved, in any way, with an emotionally unavailable person to describe their experience. In all likelihood, one or more of the following words or variety of these words will follow: confused, unsure, anxious, insecure, perplexed, unknowing, hesitantâŚetc.
The word âflummoxedâ is a good one. Or baffled.
Baffled someone would blatantly treat them with such disrespect. Flummoxed that someone could be so inconsiderate; to never contemplate the magnitude to which theyâve inflicted undeserved pain.
9. Theyâre always âconfusedâ
As terrible as that last one sounded, rest assured youâre not the only confused one. They are confused too, or at least they say so.
It doesnât matter if they have a Ph.D. in Astrophysics, some emotionally unavailable people will still proclaim ignorance to anything having to do with relationships; specifically, how one is to act in a relationship.
Simply put, either that person is (1) ethically handicapped, (2) emotionally unavailable, or (3) all of the above. Regardless, it behooves us to realize them for what they are and move on.
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