The very nature of giving your heart, mind and soul to somebody else is un-replicable. It only makes sense that, when â through the unfolding of unfortunate events â a breakup occurs, it can be incredibly damaging to that very heart, mind and soul.
Vikki Stark, MSW â a family therapist and author â states: âInitially, you feel like youâre never going to get through because youâre just so turned upside down. But the chaos wonât last forever.â While Stark was speaking of divorce following a long-term marriage, a similar sentiment can apply to anyone experiencing a breakup.
This quick intro segues into the topic of this article: how to heal after a breakup. While these tips are not intended to be expediters of the healing process, they may suffice as general guidance during a very confusing and hurtful time.
Here are 8 ways to heal after a major breakup:
Donât take your love away from me. Donât you leave my heart in misery. If you go then Iâll be blue. Cause breaking up is hard to do. – Neil Sedaka, âBreaking Up Is Hard To Doâ
1. Allow grieving time
Nothing else on this list will matter much if little to no time is allotted for the grieving process. In many ways, a breakup is similar (albeit, often less serious) than death of a close relative. In part, death of a loved one is hard because of the realization that expressing your immense love to that person is no longer possible. It is a forced suppression of love.
A breakup is similar in this respect. The accumulated feelings of love, admiration, curiousness â and a myriad of other feelings â canât be expressed the same way. To this end, the soul must grieve to account for such a loss.
2. Lean on friends during recovery from a breakup
As Bill Withers once sang: âLean on me when youâre not strong Iâll be your friend. Iâll help you carry on. For it wonât be long âtil Iâm gonna need somebody to lean on.â (Sorry, Iâm in a lyrical mood today!)
Aside from immediate family, perhaps nobody understands the intricacies of you better than close friends. Apart from being your emotional support, friends will also help to mitigate some of the impulsive behavior demonstrated after a breakup: âdrunk texting,â social media wallowing, etc.
3. Expand your social circle
One of the unfortunate consequences of a breakup is the narrowing of oneâs social circle. This often happens because couples tend to hang out with other couples. As such, friends that are eating/married/courting may not have the time and/or inclination to meet up with single friends (i.e. you).
Consider getting out and meeting new people. Many groups are out there that focus on relationship problems; even support groups that focus on breakups.
4. Consider professional support
Notice that we didnât âmandateâ the counsel of professionals. Thatâs because each person deals with grief in a different way.
That said, professional support can, at times, provide unique insight into the situation that friends and family cannot. Professionals (e.g. family therapists, psychologists, relationship counselors) will allow you to divulge some pent-up emotions, but theyâll also be much more proactive in seeking out constructive solutions to your problem.
5. Begin dating again
Even if youâre not trying to enter another serious relationship, dating can still be beneficial. First off, dating expands your social circle. Many people â men and women, included â will often meet up with no other intention than to discover a new friend.
Of course, if youâre ready to âget back in the saddle,â that is perfectly okay as well. Youâre intelligent enough to understand that taking things slow at this stage is often the best course of action.
So have fun and do what feels right!
6. Seek self-improvement
The natural (and accepted) tendency to wallow in pity is commonplace following a breakup. One of the best ways to counteract this tendency is to focus on you; specifically, to focus on constructing a âbetter versionâ of yourself.
Prioritizing self-improvement is often successful at mitigating many of the negative thoughts and emotions that surface after a breakup.
7. Keep a journal of your breakup emotions
Emotions â especially powerful ones â build up within us. When this happens, we have a much higher propensity to visit and revisit such emotions. This is when writing things down in a journal can help.
First, journal writing can serve as a type of release. Where previously, thoughts and emotions resided mainly inside of your head, they are given some context and released onto a piece of paper.
Second, the benefits of journal writing are backed by loads of scientific research. In a 2008 study at Syracuse University, researchers discovered that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) patients demonstrated noticeable improvement after writing about their distressing experiences.
8. Enjoy being single!
Once the dark cloud that is a breakup has lifted, try reflecting on the freedoms allowed by not being attached, to which there are many. No more âchecking inâ with a significant other. Skip the âgetting permissionâ before doing something that you want. And best yet, no more fruitless worrying over how decisions that youâve made will be perceived.
Related article: If You’re Going Through A Breakup, This Is For You…
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.