If you take nothing else away from this article, let it be this: The emotional pendulum of a strained relationship is probably more difficult to endure than being single.
Some of you are undoubtedly shaking your heads in disagreement. There are also plenty of people nodding their heads in the opposite direction. Both groups have a good reason for how they think and feel.
Sharing your life with someone else is a human desire– when absent, it can create anxiety, isolation, and sadness. Similar to those who have been in trying relationships, these people also feel doubt, hopelessness, futility, and self-pity.
Please bear in mind that the purpose of this article isn’t to persuade you to feel one way or another! No doubt there are difficulties associated with any relationship decision.
The Goldilocks Marriage Theory
One researcher described marriage data as The Goldilocks Theory of Marriage.
This term refers to the children’s fable Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
But in this context, it points to finding a partner or a relationship that is “just right” for an individual, much like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. In the story, Goldilocks finds three bowls of porridge, three chairs, and three beds, each belonging to a different bear. She chooses the one that is not too hot, cold, big, or small but just right.
As you read on, remember that the Goldilocks theory of marriage is an informal concept and not a scientific or research-backed theory. Ultimately, a successful marriage is unique to each couple and depends on their needs, preferences, and circumstances.
What could a “Goldilocks” marriage look like?
Here are some factors that many people desire in a spouse or partner:
- Communication: Open and honest communication is key to understanding each other’s needs and addressing issues.
- Emotional support: Providing emotional support to one another and being there for each other during both good times and bad.
- Shared values and goals: A strong partnership is built on shared values and goals, which help to guide decision-making and provide a sense of unity.
- Flexibility and adaptability: Life is full of changes and challenges, and adapting and growing together as a couple is essential for maintaining a strong relationship.
- Trust: Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners should feel secure in their commitment to one another.
- Balance: Striking a balance between togetherness and individuality while respecting each other’s personal space and growth needs.
Here are five good reasons to stay single until you find someone worth your time:
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” –Joseph Campbell
1. They’ll Accept Your Weaknesses and Strengths
Relationships often end because one person cannot accept the other’s shortcomings. While the other person’s positive attributes were enough to spark attraction; they weren’t enough to override their weaknesses in the long run.
Every one of us has our flaws. Part of a good relationship is having someone who accepts that weakness is part of the human condition. Someone who sees your shortcomings and loves you regardless is worth waiting for.
2. The Relationship is More Likely to Last
This one is kind of a no-brainer: mutual chemistry correlates with relationship longevity. When you have the strength of spirit to wait it out for someone with whom you have good chemistry, the odds that the relationship will last are excellent.
Contrast this stance with someone desperate enough to try and force compatibility. First, forcing chemistry is impossible – whether it is there or not. Second, it’s an exhausting, fruitless, and joyless endeavor. Finally, the relationship is bound to end in heartbreak. Don’t put yourself through misery.
3. The “Cons” of Being in a Relationship Instead of Staying Single
While one may have fanciful dreams about finding his or her soulmate, what’s less appealing is acknowledging some uncomfortable truths. First, when their dream becomes a reality, the amount of freedom they once enjoyed takes a nosedive. Second, fantasy is often much more satisfying than reality.
Do the “pros” outweigh the “cons”? Well, it depends on what kind of person you are.
If you are highly individualistic, the chances are good that the sacrifices required in a relationship will be a challenging lifestyle change. As with anyone, individualists get lonely too – and this is understandable. A fair warning is for everyone, however: those days of spending money as you like, living as you want, and enjoying unbridled freedom are reigned in once in a committed relationship.
4. The Stigma of Singlehood is Ending
We are arguably experiencing the most progressive period in human history. Gay marriage is legal; a woman nearly became president; yes, the perceptions surrounding us are evolving.
Data from Pew Research found that the median age for men and women to marry is at an all-time high, with men getting married around 29 and women at 27. The likelihood of getting hitched before 30 is also at its lowest point in history.
Finally, consider this: According to an 8-year meta-study by sociologists at the University of Utah, people who marry between the ages of 28 and 32 are far less likely to get divorced than those who marry earlier.
5. It’s Worth the Wait to Stay Single Until You Meet the Right One
Consider the example of a trusting young couple who marries because both partners want marriage so badly. They made the egregious mistake of marrying without complete compatibility. The devastation of divorce, preceded by nearly three years of continual misery before calling it quits, was enough to send them reeling big time.
Long story short: each partner thought they would never find someone else – the thought hadn’t even crossed either of their minds And they were entirely at peace with it.
Then, that special someone appeared. There is entirely no rhyme or reason – it just happened. Unlike his first love, the new partner showed love without condition and accepts their human faults. Lesson learned: it is worth the wait.
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