Every relationship comes with baggage. When someone breaks your heart, it’s not easy to get over those bad experiences. Sadly, the people you become involved with after failed relationships are affected by what others have done.
Healing a broken heart is not an easy task, and it can take years to get over a relationship gone bad. Whether you’ve been through some bad experiences that have caused you to have deep wounds, or you’re with someone who past disappointments, remember it takes time and patience to get through.
Ten Bad Experiences That Can Affect New Relationships
While you may feel that your situation is an isolated incident, many relationships, weather storms. The key is to work through these issues, if possible, so that you can be one of the couples that makes it for the long haul.
However, if things are not repairable, it can cause you many problems in a new relationship. Here are the most common bad experiences people face while in love.
1. Infidelity
Cheating is one of the major blows to a relationship. When someone goes outside of the union and has an intimate relationship, it’s devastating to the other party. It typically signals that something is wrong or their needs weren’t being met.
Infidelity is one of the biggest causes of trust issues. Though the person you’re with now might not ever consider cheating, you’ll likely be suspicious. Learning to trust again after having your heart broken will take patience and understanding from your new love.
2. Physical Abuse
Did you know that more than 20,000 phone calls are made regarding domestic violence every day across this county? There is never a reason to hit anyone, let alone someone you love. The National Statistics Domestic Violence organization states that every minute across this country, 20 people are being beaten by a lover. Over a year, this equals 10 million individuals being physically abused.
Physical abuse is a pain that affects you both inside and out. The wounds from a beating will heal, but the internal damage is not so easily removed. While in many instances, it’s the abused women, but men are also mistreated every day by their partners.
3. Lying
One of the building blocks of relationships is trust. When someone has a lying problem, it’s not difficult to catch on. Additionally, lies tend to snowball until it creates a big, tangled web of deceit.
The person being lied to will find that trusting is a challenge, and you may be suspicious if your new love tells you that they’re working late. You might want them to verify their stories or show proof of anything that doesn’t sit well with you.
The problem is that they can do everything right, but it’s the mistrust inside you that questions everything.
4. Narcissism
Narcissistic people are very manipulative and toxic to love. They aren’t in love with you; instead, they want to use you to further themselves in life. The problem is that they have an inflated vision of self-worth that is hard to handle in a relationship.
The manipulative person will use and abuse you for their gain, and they don’t mind getting physical with you to put you in your place. Coming out of such a turbulent relationship like this will undoubtedly come with baggage. According to the National Library of Medicine, narcissists have issues from their childhood they’ve buried deep, and it’s affecting their vision of self.
5. Substance Abuse
Substance abuse can be anything from alcohol to illegal drugs. When someone has an addiction, they will spend their last dime to get their fix. If you’ve lived with someone with a dangerous habit, then you know how detrimental it can be on you and the whole family.
Frequently there are severe financial issues as well as verbal or physical abuse. While some people become intoxicated and fall asleep, others become very aggressive.
6. Gas Lighting
Gaslighting is not a fun experience to live through, and many people who do such an act have underlying mental illness. Gaslighting means that someone is trying to make you doubt your sanity by using manipulative tricks. According to Medical News Today, there is often an imbalance of power that causes one party to stoop to such levels.
7. Verbal Abuse
Name-calling is a common reaction to an intense argument. However, being called names can leave immense scars even in the heat of the moment. When the person you love calls you dumb, stupid, or idiot, it does something to your esteem.
8. Jealousy
Jealousy is a significant issue that can destroy relationships. When you’ve been cheated on, you might become jealous to keep this from happening to you again. Additionally, some people are just a little more possessive than others, and it causes a lot of issues.
9. Financial Difficulties
Financial problems can shake the foundation of where you live. You live in fear when there is a money shortage or someone who spends too much. Financial stability is essential to keep your anxiety in check, and everyone wants to know that they have enough money to pay the bills and put food on the table.
If you’ve been in a relationship with financial troubles, you might be extra tight with money. People who have lived through The Great Depression often became hoarders due to their frugal nature. Did you have a relative that would save every butter container or jar that came into their home?
10. Mental Illness
Mental illness is brutal to live with because of its stigma. While many people would see no reason to leave someone they loved if they started using a wheelchair, they often think differently when they hear voices or have a psychological breakdown.
Any illness can take a toll on you and a relationship, and it may be enough to make you wary of getting involved with anyone again. People who love and are involved with severely mentally ill folks often must take on a parenting role more than a lover.
11. In-Law Disputes
Love them or hate them; your in-laws aren’t going anywhere. The mothers-in-law get a bad rap because they tend to be a bit overprotective of their children. However, you can have trouble with any family member, especially if they like to insert their opinion into your business.
In-law disputes can destroy your union because the person you love will need to create boundaries at some point and time. Unfortunately, when you’re talking about someone’s mother, father, sister, or brother, they often won’t put them in their place out of respect. If you’ve been in such a union, then you might think twice about getting involved with another overbearing group of in-laws.
12. Poor Communication
Communication is vital if you want to make a relationship work. When you don’t communicate as you should, then it’s a basis for misunderstandings, fights, and frustration between you two. Take, for instance, if you had to work over one evening.
You got busy and didn’t call to tell your spouse you would be late. They sat for hours, wondering where you were and what you were doing. There are many ways to communicate, and you could have at least sent a text. The key is that you must be engaged with one another so that one party doesn’t let their mind wander.
Final Thoughts on Bad Experiences Coming into Your New Relationships
Most people are a bit pessimistic when they start dating someone new. It’s easy to become bitter and wear your emotions on your sleeve when you’ve been hurt in the past. You must remember that being a little cynical is okay, but this person you’re seeing didn’t do anything to hurt you.
Moreover, you can’t take out someone else’s mistakes on them. They may be the perfect person for you, but you can push them away by allowing your bad experiences to dictate your future. The key is not to expect too much.
Start slow and get to know each other better. You need to find out how they grew up, their family, and what they want out of a relationship. Likely, they come with baggage too, and you will need to learn how to get over both of your pasts if you ever intend on having a future together.
Each time you fall in love, you take a chance. There’s a chance that your relationship will be excellent and be the stuff of storybooks. However, there’s a possibility that it will turn into one of those made-for-television movies that draw the masses too.
You won’t know how things will go until you get into it. However, there’s nothing wrong with being a little cautious after you’ve been hurt. Those bad experiences don’t define you, but they certainly change you and how you react to others.
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