Bitter people are hard to live with; they lash out at everyone around them. People wonder how to spot bitterness. So, what are ten behaviors that reveal a bitter person? And how do you cope with them?
Itâs easy to spot a bitter person once you learn their tell-tale poor behaviors.
10 Red Flags of A Negative and Bitter Person
1 – Lack gratefulness
Bitter people feel cheated by life. Even if they have a great experience, they wonât express gratitude. The glass is always half-empty. They will not express thanks for their family or friends, their home, or their job because thereâs still something wrong with each of these things. Something or someone has disappointed them, and that looms larger than their blessings.
How to cope with an ungrateful person:
Remember, this person isnât a terrible person. Instead, they feel overloaded with emotions they canât unravel. Kindness and patience will make them feel like you are a real friend.
2 – Cynical
Cynicism is mistrust and suspicion. You canât make a bitter person happy. In their eyes, youâll fall short in doing what they âexpected.â They will say something like, âIâm not surprised; itâs what people always do to me.â Theyâre like a dark cloud on a sunny day. Their cynicism overshadows everything they do and say.
How to cope with the cynic in your life:
It may take your bitter friend or colleague a while to trust you. They may even push you away at first, but be persistent. Donât let their bitterness pull you down, stand firm in who you are. Your bitter friend no doubt has suffered, and theyâre lashing out. So, be emphatic towards them without being drawn into their bitterness.
3 –Â Bitter people hold a grudge
Itâs normal for you to have a misunderstanding with someone, but you can work it out and then let it go. You donât hold grudges. Even if you canât agree on a solution, youâll let it go since you donât want to spend your time or energy holding on to a grudge. But bitter people canât let go of things. They become obsessed with their grudges and the people who have wronged them.
How to cope with resentful feelings of others:
Donât agree with their assessment of other people. If they want to vent their anger, tell them you disagree in a kind but firm voice. Show them you arenât entering into their bitterness trap.
4 – Jealousy
Bitter people are jealous of others who they perceive are getting what they deserve.
 Studies found that your emotions influence your judgment. Participants were first made to feel love, then asked to rate different candies and chocolate as sweet or bitter. The participants who felt love rated the candies and chocolates as very sweet. But the participants who experienced jealousy said the candy and chocolate were less pleasing.
Bitterness influences a personâs perception. They become jealous when their friends or co-workers talk about a recent success, a new home, or their promotion. They canât stand it that others receive things they want or think they should have.
How to cope:
Itâs not a good idea to share personal things with a bitter person. Their jealousy will turn into gossiping about you to others, putting you in a bad light. Keep your conversations shallow and upbeat.
5 – They are vocal about their bitterness
Bitter people arenât private about their anger. They let everyone know that their life is unfair. Theyâre looking for someone to agree with them so they can justify their feelings. Their bitterness spills out onto others, like acid tainting anyoneâs good mood. Working with a bitter person is exhausting because they suck all the life out of you by continually complaining and bemoaning their lot in life.
How to cope:
Donât get dragged into their bitterness rant. If the person has become more of a friend to you when you are alone with them, bring up to them how they sound, their propensity to be angry and bitter. It could be that no one has ever pointed this out to them and shared it humanely.
6 – Blame shifting
A bitter person blames others for their circumstances rather than accept responsibility. They will set themselves up as the âideal workerâ or âideal parent.â
Others will be the ones who have caused problems at work or ruined their kids, but not the bitter person.
They have no responsibility because they feel like the victim. Indeed, they are the sufferer (in their minds). Also, this person wonât take responsibility for their angry, bitter emotions. They justify their blame-shifting with abusive language.
Theyâll say things like, âI wouldnât have to do this if she did her job!â or âShe made me so mad I could have hit her.â
One study found that people who blame shift want to save face, to conceal their role.
How to cope with a person who refuses to accept accountability:
Refuse to accept the blame, stand your ground in an emphatic voice and manner. Donât get dragged into their blame-shifting of others either.
7 – Irritable and annoyed
Bitter people always find something to complain about. Something or someone annoys them. Nothing is ever right in their life. Theyâll complain about people at work, their family and people at stores.
In their minds, their co-workers arenât doing their jobs, and their kids arenât working hard enough at school, and clerks at the store arenât competent. Irritation and annoyance is a daily emotion for a bitter person.
How to cope:
Youâll notice what triggers a bitter personâs annoyance and irritation. You may need to avoid doing things that irritate them within reason. Some people canât stand being joked with or teasing. But donât be afraid of a bitter person, but if you know something pushes their buttons, try to refrain from doing it.
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8 – Wonât like it if youâre positive and cheerful
Be ready for a backlash if you try to cheer up a bitter person. Angry people find cheerful, positive people irritating. Your positivity casts a light on their anger and resentment. They donât want to own these emotions so they will react.
Theyâll ignore you or spew gossip about you to others. Youâve trod on their bitter turf, and they donât like it. They may gossip about you to feel better about themselves. Angry people want to squash your happiness. Itâs a form of manipulation to get you to be like them.
How to cope:
A bitter person needs to see that not everyone is like them. They need someone to stand up to them. Even if they donât like cheerfulness or positivity, it is affecting them. Be positive, and donât feel bad about it. Your identity isnât in the bitter personâs opinion of you. Let it roll off your shoulders if they donât like you or gossip about you. Theyâre miserable, but you donât need to be.
9 – Canât congratulate others
Bitter people find it hard to tell someone theyâre doing a good job unless they seek approval. They have moments of being sweet to people they want to impress. They will often go out of their way to acknowledge a boss. But people they see as less important are worthless to them, so they will rarely admit good work or accomplishments.
How to cope with someone who cannot (or will not) celebrate your victories:
Donât try to balance out your bitter friendâs destructive emotions. If you have a good relationship, point out your angry friendâs lack of congratulation or being happy for others. Often, they donât realize how they come across because no one has ventured into their bitterness to point out the truth to them.
10 –Â Bitter people make sweeping assumptions
A bitter personâs irritations and anger display hostility. They make generalizations about people and situations, lumping everyone together. They carry prejudices, judge others, and cast themselves in an excellent light.
Studies show that such anger and hostility that a bitter person holds can affect their health. Doctors found those who are anger and aggressiveness could cause heart problems, diabetes, car accidents, or bulimia.
How to cope with people who make inaccurate assumptions:
Be emphatic without being drawn in. When they try to lump you into their generalization, gently point out youâre not that way. Be light-hearted with them, even joking in a self-deprecating way. If they drop their guard and show some vulnerability to you, share your concern for their health. Tell them they need help to control their anger because itâll destroy them.
Final Thoughts on Identifying and Dealing with a Bitter Person
Itâs hard to deal with a bitter person. You donât want to be around them because their bitterness overshadows goodness in the day. Theyâre often blinded to their own emotions; maybe theyâve experienced deep hurt in their lives and are angry about it.
Strangely, bitter people often attract cheerful people who want to help them. Itâs not easy to be emphatic toward an angry person. Their bitterness is contagious. But you can be emphatic without agreeing with them.
Stand your ground, but show them kindness. It may feel like youâre hugging a cactus because of its angry barbs at you. Stay positive and find ways to have more in-depth conversations with them when they see you are their friend. Share your concerns for them, and point out things they say and do that hurt them.
Be careful. Bitterness is contagious. Donât get bitten by their venom, so youâre drawn into becoming a bitter person yourself.
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