Once you experience something traumatic in life, like a breakup, you need emotional closure. This healing is significant because it can cause issues now and in the future. If your relationship ends badly, you won’t be able to move on from it unless you heal.
Unresolved matters with an ex will haunt every relationship that comes after it. If the emotional pangs you feel aren’t enough, you may experience flashbacks that will only worsen matters. Your emotions can break your spirit, and you may be inclined to try to do something to get revenge.
It would help if you reminded yourself that revenge isn’t going to do anything but get you into trouble.
When the Past Interrupts the Future
Your past certainly plays a significant part in your future. Amanda met Fred when she was 16 years old. He was the love of her life. However, Fred became tired of the relationship and wanted more once they married and had two children.
Amanda woke up one morning to find Fred gone, and all she got was a note. She never saw or heard from him again. He never had anything to do with his children, and it was as if he had disappeared into thin air.
She never got the emotional closure she needed on the situation, and the fact that she spent more than 15 years of her life with this man only made matters worse. She felt like she couldn’t move on because she didn’t know what happened. Amanda wasted years of her life wishing he would come back, and she couldn’t move on because she was left in limbo.
Fred meant the world to Amanda, and she didn’t know how to live without him, but she had no choice. She needed that final word from him that he was never coming back, but she never got the respect of a phone call or any communication.
Nine Habits To Help You With Emotional Closure
Your mind is reeling after a breakup that cuts you like a knife. However, there are some ways to gather your thoughts and emotions and pull yourself back together. Here are some tips and habits you should develop to help you on your journey towards emotional health.
1. Get Rid of Any Memorabilia
If you’ve been together for any length of time, you have all sorts of things that you’ve bought for one another. There are pictures of you two together, as well as articles of clothing and other items that are linked to this individual. However, you can’t move on if you’re still holding on to the past.
It’s time to either have a big bonfire or throw them in the trash. If it’s stuff that someone else can use, you might want to donate them to a charity or your local thrift store. Keeping just one thing in your possession means you’re holding on in some manner, and it can inhibit the emotional closure you need.
2. Cut Off All Contact to Gain Immediate Emotional Closure
Cutting off all contact means you delete them from social media pages, erase their number from your smartphone, and have nothing to do with them. Don’t let your moments of weakness cloud your judgment and text one of their friends or family members.
It would help if you let go completely, and this means having no contact at all. Erase all the text messages, too, so you don’t torture yourself with reliving both good and bad times. If anyone comes graveling back, it should be them, and then you can show them the door.
3. Write A Dear John Letter
Sometimes you have things to say, and you didn’t get the opportunity to do so. In this instance, you need to write a letter to them expressing yourself. Now, it’s up to you whether you mail this letter, as some people just prefer to burn it.
Dear John, letters date clear back to 1862. According to Poem Analysis, Victorian poet Christina Rossetti wrote a poem about leaving her lover, John, and moving on with another man. Poetry and letter-writing became extremely popular during times of war.
Women would often write their servicemen to let them know they’ve moved on with another guy while they were gone. Today, the phrase is commonly used for anyone who wants to break up without doing it in person. You have a right to get your feelings out in the open, so a Dear John letter is best.
4. Set Firm Boundaries
Some people break up and make up many times throughout their relationship. However, that one time always tends to be the final straw. It would help if you had emotional closure from these situations too, and the only way you can do this is to set firm boundaries.
Let them know that you don’t want them to call you anymore and don’t want them coming around your home either. Tell them how you’ll handle this breakup, as you need to do this for your sanity. You can’t carry on as if nothing happened.
In some instances, you will rub shoulders with your ex due to work, place of worship, or other social situations. However, you have the right to set firm boundaries that will allow you to heel.
5. Don’t Turn Around and Look in the Past
How can you look forward to the future if you’re constantly living in the past? You must remember the good times, but let go of all the failure and things that brought you pain. The good news is that your past is not a life sentence, and you no longer have to live there.
You will undoubtedly have moments when you relive things but can’t ruminate about them. Although you can’t bring back yesterday, you can change tomorrow. So, stop thinking about all the failures and what might have been, and look for a brighter future.
6. Forgiveness Fosters Emotional Closure
There is no perfect relationship, and every story has two sides. It would be best if you forgave your ex so that you get rid of any excess baggage from them. The worst thing you can do is carry baggage from one relationship to another, as it’s unfair to the next person.
Additionally, it would help if you also forgive yourself. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and you’ll probably beat yourself up over the “what ifs.” To get proper emotional closure over this situation, you need to forgive them for what they did to you and forgive yourself for any part you had in the breakup.
7. Get Your Emotions Out Through Talk Therapy
If the breakup was tough, you might need to talk to someone about it. You may be tied to this person for all of eternity if you have children. Breaking up is hard to do, but you can use therapy to get through it.
According to Good Therapy, a counselor may be a vital part of the healing process. They can help you to address issues with low self-esteem, posttraumatic stress, and depression. They can give you little tasks to help you with emotional closure and become a better you.
8. Use Art For Emotional Closure
Art is a powerful way to express your emotions safely. Did you know that the famous painter Vincent van Gogh used his paintings to deal with his mental illness? According to the American Journal of Psychiatry, van Gogh had psychotic episodes, an eccentric personality, and unstable moods.
He devoted a decade of his life to painting, and it was his therapy. No matter what upset you’re going through, you can learn to express yourself through art forms like painting. Perhaps your thing is dancing, or running, or playing a musical instrument. Whatever your fancy, you should pour yourself into that thing to help eliminate the negativity from a devastating blow.
9. Take Care Of Yourself
One thing that many people do after a breakup is sinking into a depression. You must take care of yourself during this time and get the emotional closure you need. Your hygiene is essential, and you must keep up with your home too.
Self-care is so important at any time, but it’s imperative after a breakup. If you feel like your physical or mental health is getting away from you, then care enough to talk to someone and get help.
Final Thoughts on Emotional Closure After a Breakup
Your emotions are as unpredictable as the weather. When you experience a major life change like a breakup, you may feel as if you can’t go on. However, the truth is that you can go on, and you will find love again.
The key is to allow yourself to work through the grieving process as you heal. Even if you parted on good terms, it could be a significant shock to your system for such a loss. Your emotional health is vital; you need proper closure to move on and have a promising future.
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