love

How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust

We all want to fall in love. Some of us already have, while many of us are looking for that one person that will make such a profound impact on our hearts that we will never be the same.

Either way, how do you know if it’s truly love or just lust?

Sometimes our hearts and minds get so caught up that it’s hard to tell the difference. In the moment, we feel so amazing that sometimes we just don’t care. But it is essential to be careful. A broken heart can be devastating. Especially if you allow yourself to fall for the wrong person. Or if you develop strong feelings for someone who doesn’t desire the same level of commitment.

Any and all situations can arise, but we specifically want to help you determine if it’s truly special or just lust.

love

How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust

First, knowing exactly what both are and aren’t is important.

Real, true, unconditional LOVE is an intense feeling of affection – it’s fondness, warmth, attachment, and endearment most intensely and powerfully. Genuine feelings of adoration form a strong emotional attachment. It withstands troubles, problems, imperfections, and upset.

Lust is simply a powerful sexual desire. Lust revolves entirely around attraction and sex. While lust is needed for love, the opposite is not true. It can feel very powerful, and usually, it does. 😉  But, it cannot withstand time. It’s not unconditional, and it will fade.

This may contribute to today’s divorce rate. You’ve got to be careful not to allow lust to dominate the relationship when love is truly the driving force for a beautiful, lasting relationship.

To fall for that special person, you must be willing to accept that person at their very best and worst. You get to know them fully and see them for who they truly are. You learn about their past and talk about their aspirations for the future. If together you see yourself as a perfect fit and can genuinely visualize your life together, you may be falling in love.

When you genuinely fall, it’s mutual. You are both head over heels for each other. Falling for someone doesn’t mean your life will always be easy. Because, truthfully, it can get tough. But, you can be tough together (trust me, you’ll need to be).

love

You know you’re in love when you. . .

– Fall in LOVE with someone who absolutely adores YOU – who cherishes you fully and embraces your imperfections.

– Fall in LOVE with someone you can’t stop thinking about. 😉

– Fall in LOVE with someone who you love with your whole heart.

– Fall in LOVE with someone you think is absolutely, all-over-the-place SEXY – mind, body & soul!

– Fall in LOVE with someone who cares about your happiness and listens openly about your feelings.

– Fall in LOVE with someone you admire and who admires you.

– Fall in LOVE with someone that finishes your sentences and compliments who you are.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who makes you feel like you’re the most amazing person in the whole world.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who has strengths in areas that you need improvement. Many of the best relationships are people who are complete opposites.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who you get lost in conversation with (for hours at a time)!

– Fall in LOVE with someone who makes you want to be a better person and can help you do that.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who WANTS to meet your closest friends and family, and then accepts you even after that (haha).

– Fall in LOVE with someone who you hold a deep romantic passion for. In fact, they are the only one you desire!

The TRUTH is when you choose your partner, you aren’t choosing lust or authentic feelings of adoration. You are creating a balance of the two. Both are needed for a successful, long-lasting relationship. Cheers to you and your relationship success! <3

Join the Conversation with Kristen:

So, I’ve been married to my partner for life, Christopher,  for over 18 years (updated 2022). I’ve learned a lot but am always open to learning more. In a comment below, finish the sentence and share your relationship wisdom. . .

Finish the sentence: “Fall in LOVE with someone . . . ”


Comments

89 responses to “How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust”

  1. S.B.Comstock Avatar
    S.B.Comstock

    Fall in love with someone who will always pursue you… even after years of marriage…. it seems that once some people get what they want or need in a relationship they stop the ” pursuit ” or stop trying

  2. Yes, you are super correct. Also fall in love with some one who would never use your weaknesses against you, it discourages openness and growth. Fall in love with some one who respects the choices you make as long as they are good and never expects you to compromise on things that are not honorable. Fall in love with someone who makes time to be with you. Fall in love with some one who never thinks he or she is doing you a favor loving you.

  3. Deep Mendiratta Avatar
    Deep Mendiratta

    Very nicely put up Kristen… the first few sentences are almost perfect!!! … i relate to a lot of it (if not all of it) and i can tell that when you are in Love then you can separate Love from Lust (very clearly). But the problem is that when you know that it is love and not lust, it is there in your subconscious mind, the emotions become so strong and hard wired that it is not possible to turn those into a neutral feeling (forget about negative to call it a “Let Go”) towards the person you Love. What you have said as “fall in love with….” it is a very practical “Love Prescription” but my question to you is- When the situation doesn’t work out (for whatever reasons), how do you separate from those feelings? while on the surface one can appear as moving forward and letting it go (because it can’t work out), but how does one separate those emotions from the sub-conscious mind? something which was your happiest experience in life (being with a person and when you thought of a future which never existed) or is it something that only time can heal?… i am keen to know if there is a practical way to clear your sub-conscious (those feelings which smartly hide themselves in your memory banks) and where you can convince yourself that you were even wrong at a gut level about the person you fell in love with?

  4. Kathy Torrejas Avatar
    Kathy Torrejas

    Fall in love with a man who takes time to be with you.
    A man who act his words and not just saying it
    Fall in love with a man who care what you feel
    Fall in love with with a man who treat you like gems..

    I always tell myself these but I never learn and I always fail… I’m very careful of myself for 25 years and how can I just fall in love loosely.. Very careless..

  5. Christine Avatar
    Christine

    With someone who can piss you off and make you laugh that easy

  6. Fall in love with someone you could be in love with, even if they are 3000 miles away, for 3 years, and you still think about them every single day.

  7. Becky McBride Wierzbicki Avatar
    Becky McBride Wierzbicki

    Fall in love with someone who is kind to others and gives without being asked. My husband and I have been married for over 43 years. We married very young, I was 18 and he was 20. Typical story that was not supposed to last. I was pregnant with our first child when we got married. Three months later we were parents who had no clue! By the time I was 26 child number 4 came and we were done with making babies. Now all of our children are out of the house and on their own. Guess what? We still have that love we had for each other way back when we first met at 15 (me) and 17 (him). It was in there just waiting to come back to the surface after being so busy with 4 children all those years. It is wonderful……I love our empty nest so full of Love!

  8. Fall in love with someone you would wait more than a year for an opportunity to spend time with

  9. Fall in love with someone you can’t get enough of ….
    Fall in love with someone you are always hungry for ……
    Fall in love with someone who truly cares about your feelings and your well being.
    Fall in love with someone that listens to you…..
    Fall in love with someone that shares their time with you…..!

  10. Fall in love with someone whose imperfections are perfect.

  11. Fall in love with someone you can cuddle with for days

  12. This is a fantasy…today's humans r too selfish, disrespectful, abusive, narcissistic, psychotic, etc….they can't even love theirselves…much less someone else……very sad, but true!!

  13. Fall in love with someone who makes the world go away, and you can do the same for them.

  14. Fall in love with yourself first … Then when u fall in love u will know

  15. Fall in love with someone you sometimes just can't take your eyes off.. or is that more lust hehe

  16. Fall in love with someone who manages to make you smile and laugh even when you are really down.

  17. Fall in love with someone who will be there for you for the rest of his life

  18. Fall in love with someone when he touched your body in soul…It is just so beautifully and magically you would feel that he is completely brings you humble way in brings the best in you."

  19. Fall in love with the person that when you look into one another eyes, really look, and you see and feel their soul to where you both just know what the other is feeling and thinking….its a great feeling

  20. Fall in love with someone who loves

    Fall in love with someone who sticks by you when you're sick, when you are going through bad times, and who doesn't care if you are poor. That is true love.

  21. Fall in love with someone who loves God more than you. Fall in love with someone who makes you realize your worth, who never discounts the fact that your lives have somehow intertwined and are now together as one. Fall in love with someone who can be your worst nightmare and your most beautiful dream all at once. Fall in love with someone who makes reality way better than your dreams…I can go on for hours lol

  22. Fall in love with someone whom you love for no reason yet, love them for every reason.

  23. Love has only brought me pain.

  24. Adriana Bisaku Avatar
    Adriana Bisaku

    Fall on love with someone that gives you that being safe feeling no matter where you are… you know he got your best interest in mind…

  25. If all those comments are falling in love 🙂 then I am pretty sure I and my beautiful lady are in love 🙂

  26. Fall in love with someone who will make you feel safe and support even in your smallest and non important worries and that will always make you feel that u are the one and only in his life no matter how many years will pass.

  27. Fall in love with someone who will make you feel safe and support even in your smallest and non important worries and that will always make you feel that u are the one and only in his life no matter how many years will pass.

  28. Erica Shaffer Poole Avatar
    Erica Shaffer Poole

    Fall in love with your best friend!

  29. Dane Von B Avatar
    Dane Von B

    Fall in love with the person who has stood at your side at the worst and best of times…Your Best Friend!!!

  30. Not every woman is like that. My boyfriend found me on FB lol through friends of ours.. Every woman and every man is different.. You'll find the special lady 🙂 just like my man found me and now we are going to live together starting this weekend. Chin up! There's a lid for every pot out there, just gotta follow your heart and gut 😉 good luck buddy!!

  31. Fall in love with someone who chooses you over his best friend and stays with you when you got a bad dog bite for over a month at your parents house… Fall in love with someone who helps you and loves you for the woman you are 🙂 I got the most amazing man! His parents dog bit me months back and my honey rather keep me safe and help me then get drunk and play video games with his bestfriend and girlfriend.. IF that's not true love … Then I don't know what else is 🙂
    He stopped being his friend cause his friend didn't like me and my man doesn't care he loves me so much that after 11 years of friendship he leaves his friend for me and now we are moving in together this weekend :):) his ex

  32. Kim Smith true kim: But love is like friendship. We find sometimes times friends are not the right persons. A love partner is even more specific . Spend all our time free , our holidays, our weekends, rest of the life, build life projects , even raise children with same person is something a person can not do with anyone but only with someone unique.Sometimes better that an history end that 2 incompatible people stay together and destroy each other life. and even destroy their kids future

  33. When you fall in love no matter how long everyday is like you found a diamond.

  34. That's the hard part is its hard to tell if you are be taken for a fool or just a fool.

  35. Domsy Ramos Avatar
    Domsy Ramos

    Hmm cool

  36. Daniela McCash Avatar
    Daniela McCash

    Fall in love with someone who makes your happiness their #1 priority, and you theirs.

  37. Maria Chavez Avatar
    Maria Chavez

    Fall in love with some one who inspires you to be the best you could be

  38. Fall in love with someone who care .

  39. Fall in love with someone who is willing to put your needs and desires ahead of their own…and be certain to do the same for them!

  40. April Moreno Avatar
    April Moreno

    Fall in love with someone who can speak with his mind without any hesitation.

  41. Falling in love is like feeling perfect being even when u have evry reason to be dissapointed

  42. Fall in love with someone who is very open,accept you as you are and put your feelings at the top of their preference

  43. Cathy Mattheus Avatar
    Cathy Mattheus

    Fall in love wth someone who bring out you most inself

  44. Fall in love with someone who makes you feel like you are the only person in the world and that nothing else exists, time feels like its standing still when you are together. ? I'm ready now…

  45. Full inlove with someone who truly respect you and your imperfection..

  46. It's very true!! I beleive it…….

  47. Alexander Skobeleff But it is sad your love story mark you negatively .
    I always though that even bad experiences can teach us. What doesn't kill us , make us stronger

  48. Alexander Skobeleff you are an idealist .
    . The only love who lost for ever is the family one. Brotherhood, sisterhood , our own nephews.
    This nephews , little kids that we teach to walk, to speak . That we love with an conditional love . Because this love is unique. that make us anxious when somebody attack them in kindergarten . That make us feel pain , when they are hurt.
    And then there is the love for our parents. This people we did not give so much attention , but after understand how important they were , they are in our life's .
    This father that we run to see when he is sick . And that teach us , love is addiction. We can lose our beloved ones , with wars, with stupid accidents . This things that teach us, life is too short .
    Because at the end , family is all that really matters. The world without our family is a empty superficial place.
    But if you speak in romance that is another story:
    But Love romance dont last forever. It the friendship ,the team work , the sharing , the love for doing the same things that last longer. And people stay together even after there is no more passion, because if an family was born out of that love it will make make us breath .
    At one point is not the friends, the work that count , but this people we see at end of day , that we have to protect because they depend on us . Excuse me. Do not mean to criticize you . But the love you speak is the one from Romeo an Juliet . This impossible loves that stay in people memory . But in practical life dont work .
    Anyway you are a writer . So fall in love many times . Because in artists is the pain that make you feel, make you create .
    People should not look for love. It is wrong. Other wise you will never live too obsess with the feeling, rather that real life.

  49. The woman I would protect would be the one I would be in love with, and she would be in love with me, yes… but it's important that our relationship is based on LOVE for each other, UNCONDTIONAL love. To be otherwise is a waste of time. How can it be otherwise?

    Relationships based on mutual benefits and not on love become broken. But when based on love, well, love lasts a lifetime.

    I been through that "mutual benefits", it didn't' work. I was tread like a walking ATM and handyman for her egos, needs, problems, and neglecting MY own needs, and such. I will not repeat that experience ever again. I wasted 7 years of my fucking life on her constant crises.

    So I waited 10 years to find someone who understood this. Clearly NONE does. It's all about being fucking useful to each other. Being of use.

    Nothing about true love.

    So, fine, people can fuck off. I'll be happy on my own, I don't need anyone.

    You see, it was HER who threw me away for some perceived bullshit, not me. I was faithful, honourable, and yet she treats me like shit. Ha ha ha, I laughs when she came back and wants me back. Why the fuck should I? She lost her value in my eyes because she was unfaithful, and untrustworthy.

    I do not trust EASILY.

    And this other girl, who I thought was real, turns out to be another bloody scammer in a long line of scammers. God damn it. I'm tired of scammers. I wish the lot of them gets a new hole in their head then they cannot stay alive! Then we'd all be freed of these miserable scammers.

    All I want, is very simple. A trustworthy woman who can proves herself faithful to MY EYES! Who can say No to scumbag poachers who tries to corrupt MY woman, who can stay LOYAL and FAITHFUL to me. I will not tolerate any unfaithfulness, I walks away! I DO NOT SHARE! I AM POSSESSIVE!

    I don't give a shit about what other people think if this is unrealisable or a fantasy. It is all I care about, I do not give a shit about the sluts and whores out there, they can fuck themselves to death with STDs and shit, I don't care! All I care about is ONE woman who is worthy of MY HEART, nothing else! This woman I will sweep off her feet, make love madly, cherish all my life, and we'll have a happy life, that is what I want, and dreams of. If it's unrealistic, a fantasy, FINE, that's MY problem!

    These are my rules: She is free to do these things, thus it's not my fault if she does this behind my back, it would mean she's not worthy of my heart, and protection! I walk away from such types of these.

    1. She commits infidelity, I walks away.
    2. She lies, no matter how small or innocuous a lie, it's still a lie, then I walks away.

    These (infidelity and lie) breaks relationships.

    My ex did this again and again, I was foolish to think by staying loyal and faithful she would stop. It did not. So next time another woman does this, I walks away. But I have yet to meet one, because I keeps meeting fakes, liars, in other words, SCAMMERS… not real women but miserable criminals pretending to be these fictional women on dating sites, and I gets them so many times, I'm SICK of it.

    NOT once I met a real woman who really wants to be with me, YET. So I'll keep trying, find that one special woman I wants and who wants ME, and we'll be happy! I know life has its ups and downs, but that's part of life. I know this. I don't worry about it. What matters is finding a woman who, deep down, wants a REAL man who is LOYAL, FAITHFUL, and TRUSTWORTHY, and will not betray her with other woman, and she will NEVER betrays her man with other men, or even women, too, for that matter, ever!. Is that not much to ask?

    That's all I want. It's not a fantasy, it's a hope, a dream, to make into reality!

    I don't care if there are no such woman in the world, I will bring her into life, somehow, some way, there IS a woman who is for me, my better half, my soul mate. My true love.

    Who cares if women in this world do not measures up/ They never challenged themselves, they takes the easy way, to whore and slut around, thus they becomes unworthy of themselves and their better halves! It's their own fault, no one to blame but themselves. They SHOULD challenges themselves, and be strong, for a faithful, loyal, loving, woman is worth far more, it's called self-discipline!

    A happy relationship is based on being loyal to each other, faithful to each other, loving each other, warts and all, and knowing each other are NOT BLOODY PERFECT! But they're HUMAN, and they'll grow OLD, WRINKLY and they'll LOVES EACH OTHER 100%! This is true love! This is what I want.

    I don't give a damn about the players, the scammers, the weirdos, the creeps, the liars, the sickos, the sluts, the whores, all kinds of people that do not fit THIS definition that I arrived at after long thought over many years! I KNOW exactly what I want. She WILL be in my life, soon. I do not care WHEN, she exists in my mind, my heart, my soul, she is here in every breath I take! She's alive to me. That's all I cares about. My true love.

  50. This is not real love but fantasy . Most relations start as partnership in youth , in University . This people that protect us, work with us in our projects, defend us , and that we end protect them, defend them . People who have brothers

  51. All experiences are important Alexander. Because what it matters is that your heart is alive and feels . Nothing wrong with fall in love for wrong people.Anyway for what experts say: Artists, writers , have this emotions because they have more imagination than any others people . But it is the same imagination that makes you write storys . So if i can advice something : Write about it . Many had same situation. But not all have talent to write about it

  52. Fall in love with someone u would fight for till the rest of ur life, and they would do too in return ;))

  53. Kathy Green-Bintz Avatar
    Kathy Green-Bintz

    Fall in Love with someone who puts your feelings at the top of their list and is completely honest with you about everything. The Truth never hurts as much as finding out you have been deceived.

  54. Kathy Bintz Avatar
    Kathy Bintz

    Fall in Love with someone who puts your feelings at the top of their list and is completely honest about everything.

  55. I fell in love with a woman who I thought was real, and it was all a lie. She doesn't exist. She was some scammer's fiction. A made up "woman", to play games with me. Now I must heal and then find someone else. (sighs).

  56. Fall in LOVE with someone who loves me for who I AM, and I loves her for who she IS. Complete love when we are truly happy for ourselves as well as for each other, and being happy with each other.

  57. You have fallen in love with someone when he makes you feel moved and excited at the same time, someone who you can talk to about it as well, someone who will enjoy your thoughts, your feelings and your body with the same intensity. You have fallen in love with someone and that someone has fallen in love with you when you cannot get enough of each other, wether is a phone conversation or time spent in bed, when you realize you've been talking for two hours or you've been kissing for ten, yes, ten hours straight! Definitely, you have fallen in love!!

  58. Jennifer HawkNest Nester Avatar
    Jennifer HawkNest Nester

    Fall in love with someone who can still make your heart flutter no matter how many years you've been together! My husband still makes my whole body flutter like butterflies, just thinking about him. Still going strong after 15 years together. He is truly my Best friend and someone I simply can't live without.

  59. With someone who can't stand to be away from you, and your their everything

  60. That's not afraid to show you his love.

  61. Reader Reader Avatar
    Reader Reader

    smart thinking

  62. karismatic88 Avatar
    karismatic88

    Fall in love with someone who accepts your past, stands by you in your present and leads you ahead in your future…. 🙂

  63. Fall in LOVE with someone who makes you want to be a better person and can help you do that.

  64. I agree and I know those things already. My problem is being stuck in a long-term relationship that was luster and now is just wrong. But here I am 20 years and 2 kids later with a man I have absolutely nothing in common with. Room mates have more contact than we do.

  65. You can't determine whom to Love then actually start loving. No. It's no such pre planned move! Love is when u realize you are not yourself lately & gets shocked when reality hits you full force. You have fallen in love. There's no way back for your heart, now. It will NEVER be the same again…. ever.

  66. Fall in love with someone you get to be your true self!!

  67. Patricia Ciciriello-Carriere Avatar
    Patricia Ciciriello-Carriere

    Looks like someone's husband will be getting this texted over by another HOMEWRECKER

  68. Alexander Marshall Avatar
    Alexander Marshall

    Who has changed your life

  69. Gwen Bartholomew Avatar
    Gwen Bartholomew

    will inspire you whatever you do.will stick to you no matter what.

  70. LOVE is greater than Lust….

  71. Heart breaks are devastating. Unfortunately I’ve been there twice. At times even after almost a year it still gets real hard.
    If true love is the most amazing feeling in the world then a heart break is the worst experience you’ll gave in life. So plz people, chose wisely. Right now I’m so immune to pain in life. Like I can still get heart broken ten times over without complaining. Lost my heart to people who never deserved an ounce of it. At times carrying on living seems like dragging a huge rock in a deserted land with No sign of destination. The only thing which ignites life is ‘hope’…that maybe someday things will change. Love is a reason to live. There’s nothing like it.

  72. Vaibhavi Desai Avatar
    Vaibhavi Desai

    very nicely written

  73. Arnnie Querdel Avatar
    Arnnie Querdel

    Fall in love with someone who feel the same as you do.

  74. DrPreeti Gajbhiye Physiotherapist Avatar
    DrPreeti Gajbhiye Physiotherapist

    true love is the honesty and growth… 1st way to connect to each other is your thoughts the opening door for love than comes the lust to bond physically and than comes the spiritual bonding deep connections through your memories….

  75. DrPreeti Gajbhiye Physiotherapist Avatar
    DrPreeti Gajbhiye Physiotherapist

    THANK YOU.its what I am feeling.

  76. who will love you back no matter what!

  77. I was married 36 year it was may first love we had 6 children all grown up and they have a nice business and work. My husband and i separated for a year. If their is something posted about love i decided to post of my opinion. As of now i don't want to have any relationship to any one. I tried to fix all my messy thing to my life. In sharing in my opinion It is a imaginative or a dream of my self if i will in love in my 50's of this life. Dreaming that i found my future true love. It is so ashamed to older like me to dream a person that impossible to be found. Yes it is so ha ha ha to found in a dreams. Thank You and very thank for your post i love it.

  78. yeah you are right…
    i am also in love with a guy, and this is awesome feeling…and wanna to marry him…

  79. Sid LaSausage Avatar
    Sid LaSausage

    Fall in love with someone who can hold you tight all night long even after 25 years. :-):-):-)

  80. That makes your heart smile

  81. Fall in love with someone who makes you feel like you're home when you're in their arms.

  82. Fall in love with someone that can touch your soul!

  83. Karla Mayorga Avatar
    Karla Mayorga

    That is love…when you cannot stop thinking about someone

  84. Fall in love with someone who will hold your heart beside theirs

  85. Andii Pickles Avatar
    Andii Pickles

    Fall in love with someone who makes you feel completely comfortable to be yourself and still can't get enough of you

  86. Life is tough but when it gets you down you both have to be there to support each other no matter what.

  87. Daina Patel Avatar
    Daina Patel

    Falling in love is not by choice.. n.. it can suck life.. entirely when that emotions ends in imbalance. As one may have fallen in love..by choice that all what you explained.. but again it falls in category of lust… as one picks such connection…. where as love happens.. n… it ruins aura of love when.. it is struggling with lust balance.. not all minds are set to understand heart… mostly every mind is ruled by desires..

  88. Brigid O Neill Avatar
    Brigid O Neill

    TearzZ. Kud aj jurt as Iam ovr tirf.or trvh hurts ,I love & dnt evr get to keep ,gulp.

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