Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life and love were how they depicted in fairy tales? Two people meet, they get married, and everyone lives happily ever after. Sadly, life is nowhere near this simple, and you learn many hard love lessons along the way.
With time and experience comes wisdom, and as they say, hindsight is always 20/20. If only you could go back in time and make different choices, you could save yourself some heartache. The good news is that you can learn through the experiences of others and try not to make the same mistakes.
Ten Hard Love Lessons That Are Essential to Learn
Whether you’re just starting in the dating world or you’ve been in the pool for quite some time, there are life and love lessons that you need to learn. Here are some of the most important things to note that can save you some major heartache.
1. Romance Without Finance Just Isn’t Happening
Finances are a big part of any relationship. It takes two people to support a household. If you see that one person is unwilling to work and contribute right from the start, save yourself the trouble.
The University of Virginia and Dr. Bradford Wilcox researched what they called The Marriage Project.
They wanted to see why marriage has changed so much today. According to their research, they found that about 30 percent of all marriages fail over finances.
While you may love someone with all your heart, taking care of you financially is essential. You can tell when you’re dating if someone is in financial hock, and if things don’t change, it can put a severe strain on your relationship.
2. Slow Down—Don’t Rush Into Things
Why are people so eager to rush things? Many individuals share intimacy on the first date. The first meeting doesn’t give you an accurate indication of whether you will have a long-term relationship or like each other.
The New York Post reported a study conducted by Groupon. The study found that most people sleep together by the time they reach their fifth date. Don’t be so eager to make a home run.
Take your time and enjoy the little things about each other. Once you bring intimacy into the equation, it changes things.
3. Be True to Yourself (One of the Hardest Love Lessons)
Many times, people change when they start dating someone. The changes that happen should be for the better. Alas, there are always those toxic folks that seem to bring out the worst in you.
Don’t change who and what you are for anybody. If you see that someone isn’t making you be your best, it’s not the right person for you. When it’s right, you will both know it because they make you better, not worse.
4. You Don’t Always Get What You Want
Everybody has preferences in what they want from a mate. Perhaps, you’ve got your eye on a blonde girl with blue eyes and a figure that can look good in anything. While that may be your preference, what’s best for you doesn’t always equal the same thing.
People come in all shapes and sizes, and you should never judge a book by its cover. Please don’t get all caught up in the physical appearance as it matters so little in the grand scheme of things. Sure, you want aesthetically pleasing and takes care of yourself, but don’t get roped into settling for one specific type.
Ten years from now, that person is going to change drastically. A woman with few children and becomes a stay-at-home mom might not always have the swimsuit model body. Never get involved with someone for superficial reasons, as those things aren’t lasting.
5. Don’t Take Anything for Granted
Life can change in the blink of an eye, and the things you once held so near and dear can be gone. Take, for instance, Josh and Maegan. On November 2, 2018, Maegan came home to find her husband tried to take his life.
While Josh’s attempt was unsuccessful, the lack of oxygen to the brain caused him to be in a vegetative state. Now in a nursing home, Josh has no quality of life and is unresponsive. Maegan didn’t even know her husband was depressed, and she certainly never expected anything like this to happen.
Their story has been all over television outlets due to arguments between Maegan and her mother-in-law. While the details aren’t necessary, what is essential is that it’s a prime example of how quickly things can change.
Tomorrow is promised to no one, and you should make time to enjoy all the little things today. Being present in the moment is vital for your happiness and living a good life.
6. You Can’t Change People
One of the most significant relationship mistakes is that people try to change one another. Throughout history, love lessons have proven that you can’t alter someone to conform to your ideas. You need to realize that the person you see today will be the same a month, year, and decade from now.
While life has a way of making subtle changes and humbling you, the person’s core doesn’t alter much. Your beliefs, values, and mannerisms are part of who you are, and you must learn to love the person for what they offer and not what you want to make them.
7. Love is Messy
Few things in life hurt as bad as a broken heart. When you love someone and give them your all, having it taken away from you can be unbearable pain. If you see that things aren’t working out, don’t force something broken back together.
Many people stay in relationships and marriages long past the expiration date. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t stay where you’re not comfortable. There are plenty of people who will love you the right way and complete you, not make you miserable.
8. It’s Not All About You
Relationships are all about to give and take, and you must be willing to consider the other person. When you commit to marriage, you need to put their needs above yours. Being part of a couple means that you consult the other person in most things.
While you don’t lose your sense of identity, there’s another person in the equation to consider. You can’t be selfish if you want to be a couple, as it just won’t work.
9. The Only Thing Worse Than Being Single Is Being With The Wrong One
So many people settle for a relationship that isn’t the right fit for them because they would rather be with someone than alone. It’s okay to be single, and it can be an enjoyable time in your life. Still, some folks are scared to be alone and not have someone to come home to at night.
Simply put, you don’t have to settle for anyone who isn’t right for you. Don’t put up with abusive situations and toxic relationships because you’re afraid to be alone. A pet can provide companionship, and it’s a lot cheaper to keep a dog than go through the pain of divorce.
10. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice
People get caught up in the feelings that love gives them, but these feelings are only superficial. You choose to love someone, and you also decide to stop. When people get married or enter into a committed relationship, they don’t honestly know what love is all about.
However, they soon learn that love lessons like holding someone’s hand when they’re facing surgery, hugging them when they discover a loved one has passed, and staying up all night with them when they’re sick, teaches you the true meaning of the word.
Final Thoughts on Hard Love Lessons That Are Essential to Learn
Love lessons teach you that when things are correct, the relationship can be beautiful. Does it mean that you won’t have troubled times or ups and downs? No. The key is that when you’re with someone who completes you, even the bad times are better because they’re by your side.
Some people look for chemistry or serendipity before entering a relationship, while others jump in because they’re lonely. Why is it that some folks can be committed to one another for 50 or more years, and others only make it a mere five? You can’t be scared to take the risk in life or love, as it’s all a game of chance.
Some of the most significant relationships happen out of nowhere, and some folks know from the start that they’ve met their soul mate. Others start as friends and cultivate a friendship first that blossoms into something more significant. The key is to find someone that makes your heart skip a beat, that gets you on a level that few do, and that’s willing to stay by your side through thick and thin.
If you find just one person in this life to have and to hold, you’ve found a treasure. Don’t be too quick to toss out a good thing just because you hit a rough patch. People who stay married for decades are the ones that don’t give up even though they have every reason to, and they’re better for the love lessons they learn along the way.
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