The doting husband or wife is a precious gift because there are plenty of partners who are inattentive to the needs of their spouse. These are usually self-centered folks who put their desires above everyone else, and they are notorious for ignoring those around them. Having a lack of attention from your partner can be a bitter pill to swallow, as a human being has emotional and physical needs that must be met.
Now, you should realize that relationships go through many phases if you’ve been together for any length of time. You will have periods where you can’t stand each other, and there will be other times where you can’t keep your hands off of them. The ebbs and flows are all a normal part of life, but what do you do when your partner is constantly disinterested in you and doesn’t care for your needs?
Ten Crystal Clear Signs of an Inattentive Partner
Many people don’t realize they have a problem until they read an article that clarifies everything clearly for them. For instance, you’ve become so accustomed to life as you know it that nothing feels out of the ordinary. Most couples have some degree of interest in one another, even if they have a narcissistic personality.
Some folks think that toxic relationships are those where they call each other names and throw punches, but other issues can be just as bad. Do you know how to spot the signs of an inattentive partner?
1. An Inattentive Partner Will Shut Down
They have no interest in your life or any occurrences that don’t directly involve them. They will shut down the minute you try to talk about anything relationship-wise. Whether you’re trying to tell them about a bill to pay or something you need, they will tune you out and walk away.
Their blatant disregard for your feelings and affection is easily noticed. You may have become accustomed to “sleeping single in a double bed,” and you don’t know anything else. However, this is not what love and relationships are supposed to be like.
2. They Refuse To Discuss or Debate and Issue
Healthy arguments are suitable for a relationship. According to Jennifer A. Samp, Ph.D. from Psychology Today, arguing facilitates talking, which helps communication. Disagreements help both parties gain another perspective on the matter, and it enables you to understand each other’s core values. When someone doesn’t even care to discuss a matter with you, it just shows how little they care.
They’re saying loud and clear, without opening their mouth, that they don’t value your opinions and could care less about issues you’re facing.
3. Romance Is the Last Thing on Their Mind
While intimacy isn’t the only thing in a relationship, it’s undoubtedly an essential part of it. It’s not normal for a couple to skip romantic relations with one another. There should be some connection physically that helps to bind you together.
4. An Inattentive Person Will Forget Important Dates and Things
The inattentive mate won’t remember critical dates like birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions. Remember, people make time and never forget things near and dear to them. So, it’s not that they have a memory recall issue, but it’s that these dates aren’t important enough for them to remember.
Now, keep in mind that some folks tend to be scatterbrained and often forget things. However, you can tell the difference as this will affect all aspects of their life and not just matters regarding you.
5. They Refuse To Make Eye Contact
Body language is often overlooked, but if a partner doesn’t look you in the eye, or they shift their eyes to the ground or corner when you’re speaking, it’s a sign of being inattentive. They either have something to hide and feel guilty about, or they don’t care enough to look at you and address the issues.
6. They Need Your Help but Won’t Give Assistance in Return
It’s typical of the narcissist to need you to come when they call, but don’t count on them to give you the same courtesy when you need help. They want the whole world to drop what they’re doing and attend to them in their hour of need, but they are always too busy to be bothered when it’s time for them to repay the generosity.
Not being there emotionally is one thing, but it is a whole other ballgame when you can’t get your partner to be there physically when you need them. They’re disinterested in your life, and it’s hard to ignore their blatant disrespect.
7. They Don’t Value Your Time or Feelings
A partner who isn’t attentive won’t value your time or feelings, as they live for themselves. They don’t care if you’re sobbing on the bed because a friend is sick or if you rearranged your schedule hoping to spend some time with them. They’re all about number one, and they don’t want anyone or anything to interrupt the plans they’ve made for themselves.
Sure, they don’t want to talk about your feelings when you’re having a bad day, but they will hunt you down when their day has been overwhelming. If they need a shoulder to cry on, you better be there for them. However, it’s not a two-way street.
8. An Inattentive Person Is Very Defensive
They will become very defensive if you try to confront them about the lack of interest in the relationship. They may turn everything around on you and make it your fault for the trouble in your relationship. When someone constantly uses the defensive card in a relationship, it’s typically because there’s something to hide.
According to an article on Marriage, the defensive partner sees everything in black and white, and they have a mentality that it’s all or nothing. They feel that things should be their way, and there’s no room for any compromise.
The article states that many people turn defensive mode when they think they’re being attacked. However, when someone constantly becomes defensive for no reason, it can harm the relationship.
9. They Break Promises
Assume you confront your wife for not spending any time with you and working constantly. She promises a date on Friday with dinner and a movie to appease you. All week, you look forward to that time together with her, only to have her break the promise and stay late at work.
This is a common scenario when someone never honors their word. The foundational building blocks you have are vital to keeping your relationship healthy. Indeed, trust is a big part of this foundation. If you can’t trust them to do what they say, can you trust them with anything?
It hurts when people make big promises but can’t deliver on them, and it’s often they make these promises to get folks off their back for the moment.
10. An Inattentive Person Keeps Score
One of the hallmarks of an inattentive partner is that they maintain a proverbial scorecard for you. They will keep a mental note of their kindness if they do something and expect you to repay it later. They see every little thing they do as something that needs settling in the future, as they don’t give away their services for free.
Consequently, they can use this leverage they have over you to keep you accountable. For instance, if you need to borrow some money for half of the bills, they won’t let you live it down until every penny is repaid. They will harp on the fact that you didn’t have the money and bring it up constantly.
Final Thoughts on the Inattentive Partner
Everyone wants a caring and loving partner, and searching for a soulmate is the goal of most folks. At times, your desire for a perfect person allows you to overlook some flaws that would otherwise disqualify an individual. You may want things to work out so badly that you put on blinders to keep all the bad stuff from plain sight.
Have you ever heard the saying that a square peg can’t fit into a round hole? There are times when that square peg finds a way to manipulate itself into a round hole. Of course, because you’re a hopeless romantic that wants things to work, you assume it’s the perfect fit. Sadly, it won’t be long until you figure out just how ill-suited this person is for your world.
The inattentive partner usually follows typical patterns, as they’re very selfish and narcissistic in their traits. For instance, they may insult you with a little jab here, and they may display actions that aren’t very loving or caring. It’s often that others will see these behaviors before you, as you’re still wearing those blinders and hoping it works out.
Once you examine this person and their motives, your eyes will be wide open. When you see the manipulator and inattentive person for who they indeed are, it’s hard for you to ever look at them the same again.
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