The chances are that you know a narcissist, or at least someone with narcissistic tendencies. If you have, the odds are that the relationship wasn’t a very fruitful one.
It’s important to understand what narcissism is and isn’t, specifically, the difference between someone with a narcissistic disorder (i.e., NPD) and someone who displays narcissistic characteristics.
NPD is an actual psychological disorder and is recognized as such by the mental health community. Narcissism is a less extreme version of the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives and vanity – a love of mirrors.”
Those with narcissistic tendencies may be: quick to anger, aggressive, impulsive, and unpredictable. These individuals tend to have high levels of self-esteem, sometimes on a grandiose scale. To make matters worse, we (Americans) live in a highly individualistic, materialistic, and externally-driven society. Thus, we inadvertently encourage certain traits of narcissism.
3 Traits of Narcissists
To simplify things, here are three concise words to describe narcissists:
- Selfish.
- Entitled.
- Manipulative.
Going forward, it is important to understand that some individuals, particularly those with a disorder, are not aware of their problems with narcissism. As with many psychological disorders, narcissism (and related disorders) can be due to some type of trauma – often experienced during childhood.
Unfortunately, when someone brings manipulative, selfish, or hurtful behavior to the narcissist’s attention, the narcissistic personality is so engrained as to make any type of correction/treatment nearly impossible. It’s very difficult for someone to change their personality, particularly of a narcissist.
Are You A Narcissist Magnet? Here’s How To Find Out…
Now that you’ve gotten a good grip on what constitutes narcissism, maybe you’re thinking about people in your current (hopefully, past) circle that fit the description. Good. Now let’s discuss what these folks are attracted to.
Sensitivity.
Narcissists attach themselves to sensitive people for a variety of reasons. First, narcissists require constant reassurance that they are beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, ‘(fill in your own description here)’. Second, sensitive people are truly empathetic and quick to comfort and embrace the person hurting. Narcissists will often play off of this, as they see an easy method of getting what they want by playing the victim. Lastly, sensitive people are prone to deep introspection to the point of over-analysis. Simply put, they’re more likely to rationalize the narcissist’s behavior and pin the blame on themselves.
Maturity.
This is a relatively broad term, so let’s review this a bit. Narcissistic behavior is often molded in childhood, and commonly, narcissists lack the ability to self-reflect. This lack of self-reflection can lead to an underdeveloped (i.e., “immature”) personality; hence, narcissists are often (subconsciously) looking for a “parental figure” to look up to.
Security.
Again, a relatively broad term. Most narcissists are innately materialistic, so it’s common for them to seek financial security. As such, it is common for attractive women (men, on a lesser scale) to remain on the lookout for someone who is visibly wealthy (it’s even better if they’re sensitive and mature!).
Congeniality.
Being a nice person is absolutely nothing wrong (and nearly everything right). The world needs more people like this, as is evident by the unprecedented levels of corruption, violence, and general instability of society. But here’s a sad fact: many overly-congenial people are subject to being manipulated and controlled.
Final Thoughts About Narcissists
Some people (especially narcissists) will often mistake your kindness for weakness. However, this doesn’t need to be a bad thing. It’s only bad when you allow them to manipulate you. Instead, protect and cherish your strong sense of individualism. Refuse to allow others to abuse you, and strongly correct those that display such behavior. They probably won’t be back, and you’ll likely be better off.
As long as we’re fortunate enough to have air in our lungs, we’re strong enough to carve out our own path. Some of us need to reclaim this strength and disavow those that attempt to take this sense of self.
At times, our world appears broken. When good people stand up to do something about it, others might tell them to sit back down. Narcissists are part of the problem because they don’t care about the world around them.
When we recognize, correct, and discourage such behavior, any real, meaningful change occurs. We must have the strength and capabilities to do so.
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