Being a part of a relationship can be scary. You may not be entirely sure what your partnerâs plans are or how much loyalty they have, especially if you havenât been together for a very long time. You may be worried that, while youâre in it for the long run, your significant other isnât â or just hasnât decided yet.
Many people resort to unsavory âtestsâ of loyalty to find out the truth. But playing mind games and executing trick scenarios and situations is the opposite of what weâre advocating for. Those types of tricks are unhealthy and only create more reasons to lose someoneâs loyalty.
So what should you do instead? Having honest, open conversations and discussions with your partner is the way to go. But it can be difficult to figure out where to start, and how to go about it. To help you out, here are some questions to ask your partner to test their loyalty.
10 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Test Their Loyalty
1.   Whatâs your definition of loyalty?
Most people assume that everyone thinks of loyalty the same way. The truth is that people have different ideas of what loyalty really, truly is. For some people, itâs a very strict thing, and for others, it involves very little. Whichever side you fall on, or wherever you stand in between, you shouldnât fall into the trap of assuming your partner feels the same way.
Itâs important for those in a relationship to be on the same page. Discuss what loyalty means to each of you, what you both define as cheating, and essentially what commitment is defined as by you and your partner. This is according to mental health counselor and therapist Deanna Fernandez.
Knowing how your partner defines loyalty helps to prevent arguments in the future, as you both know what youâre getting into. Itâs also a great way to ensure that your partner is someone who values and appreciates loyalty.
2.   What are your current priorities?
This is a question best asked outside the context of your relationship, so bring it up in casual conversation â not when youâre already discussing your relationship. This is because you may not get the most accurate answer when youâre already talking about your romance and emotions are focused on that.
Karol Ward, a licensed psychologist and licensed clinical social worker, suggests that you pay close attention to whether your partner talks about long-term, committed relationships as part of their priorities. If not, they may not be ready to commit to a serious partnership.
- Itâs also a good way to make sure youâre both at the same point in your life.
- If youâre focused on work and they are, too, it all works out.
- But if you or they are ready to settle down and put the other person first, yet this is unrequited, itâs time to take a step back.
3.   Where do you think this relationship is headed, or where do you want it to go?
One of the easiest ways to know how loyal or committed your partner is to you is just to ask them directly. Ask them where they currently see the relationship going. If theyâre not sure, ask them where they personally would like it to go.
The reason a lot of people wind up being âled onâ by their partners is purely due to a lack of positive communication, says Dr. Connie Omari, licensed professional counselor, clinician, and nationally certified counselor. Without good communication, you cannot know for sure that your partner is loyal to you; chances are, they might not even know that you expect that of them!
Does your partner not have a clear answer?
- Open the floor for discussion.
- Talk about the future of your relationship and see if you both have similar desires.
- Itâs good to get it all out there.
- If your partner gets angry or doesnât want to talk about it, thereâs a good chance commitment isnât on their mind.
4.   What are your thoughts on long-term versus short-term relationships?
Not everyone is a believer in âhappily ever after.â For some, itâs all about dating the right person for them at the right time, and moving on when that time is over. Some people also just canât be happy in one relationship for long stretches of time. Thatâs all okay, as long as you both know about it!
Frame the question casually, not aggressively, and ask in a hypothetical way. Does your partner prefer long-term relationships, or would they rather keep their options and open and move on with the seasons? Are they serial monogamists, or do they refuse to be tied down?
This will also give you some insight into your significant otherâs ideas on loyalty and commitment, and it can prepare you for what lies ahead. Plus, youâll know whether theyâre likely to stick around in times of trouble, which links us to our next point.
5.   How can we deal with an upcoming challenge?
All relationships go through rough patches, and you need to be ready to handle them with your partner. If you foresee a challenge up ahead, have a serious discussion with your partner about how you are going to handle it. Donât have any imminent challenges? Pose a hypothetical one that is likely to occur in a long-term relationship.
Licensed clinical social worker of psychotherapy Erin K. Tierno states that partners have to be willing to have discussions about these incidents. Â If they donât want to talk about it, itâs not a good sign for your longevity â or for their commitment levels.
In difficult times, couples have to be able to acknowledge issues, discuss problems, keep positive thinking going, and listen to their significant other. So if theyâre not willing to do that now, they likely have one foot already out the door.
6.   What do you think is the most important aspect of a long-term relationship?
Committed partners know exactly what they want in a long-term relationship, or at least, they know what matters in them. If your significant other has absolutely no idea what they believe to be important in long-term partnerships, itâs likely because they arenât considering one.
Sometimes, a partner may not have thought about that yet. If this is the case, be prepared for them to be less committed â especially if they never seem to get around to doing any positive thinking about it.
7.   How long do you think you should wait before committing to someone?
This is a fairly straightforward question. Your partner will tell you how long it takes before they believe itâs safe to feel like theyâre with the right person and commit to them. All you have to do now is compare how long youâve been with them and see if you fit the bill.
- Even if youâre still a new couple, itâs a good question to ask because it gives you an idea of how they feel about loyalty.
- Does it take them a few months to commit? You have a good chance.
- Does it take them a few years? Consider whether youâre really willing to wait for that.
8.   Do you think one of us is more invested in our relationship?
In an ideal relationship, both partners are equally invested in each other. It can, however, take a while to reach that point for new couples. So, ask your partner who they think is more invested, and the answer will tell you a lot.
Do they think youâre more invested? Ask if thatâs something they plan to change. Do they think theyâre more invested, or that youâre both equal in that area? See if what they do actually match up with what they say.
If you find yourself canceling your own plans, working around their schedule, and putting in the extra effort while they canât do the same for you, theyâre not as invested as you are. This isnât always a bad thing if youâve just started dating, but if things donât even out, itâs going to be painful down the line.
9.   Would you like to come to dinner with my family/friends?
CAP-accredited licensed mental health counselor Erin Parisi states that someone who is not serious or committed to the relationship is not going to show any interest in meeting your friends or family. So if you want to know if your partner is positive about being with you, ask them to meet your loved ones!
This is because it involves extra effort, can be awkward, and can even be a hassle or a difficult thing to go through. Why would they bother if theyâre not in it for the long run? Of course, donât expect a partner to want to meet your family or your friends immediately upon beginning a relationship. But if youâve been dating for a long while and they still donât want anything to do with your loved ones, itâs a red flag.
- You can also ask this the other way around if you like.
- Ask them if you can meet their friends or family.
- If they quickly say no, they may not see you being in their life for long.
10. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Okay, so this question is straight out of a job interview, but itâs an important one. What does your partner think theyâll be doing in five years? Still dating you? Chasing a big dream around the world where you canât follow? Anywhere involving you? Anywhere without you?
Itâs simple. If your partner sees you in their life in five years, theyâre in it for the long run. If you donât factor into their otherwise decently conceived future plans, itâs because they donât plan to have you there.
Final Thoughts On Questions To Ask Your Partner To Test Their Loyalty
Relationships are hard. Thatâs why communication is so crucial and important to a healthy, happy one. If youâre not making sure that you and your partner are on the same page with loyalty and commitment, you could be setting yourself up for failure.
These 10 questions to ask your partner to test their loyalty are great because they start up a discussion and urge the beginning of an in-depth conversation. Youâll come out after each one knowing a little bit more about your significant other and feeling like you can trust them more than ever before â and isnât that the whole point?
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