Marriage is one of the best parts of life for those who choose to get married. You move in together, learn all of the little quirks about one another, and start a family together. These humorous quotes on marriage will reveal that those benefits aren’t the only benefits of being married, however.
Marriage should be a joy, and it should leave you laughing and happy. While it is truly a hard relationship to be in, it will be more fulfilling than any other. Marriage has to be worked at, and there will be hardships along the way, so remember always to find the humor.
By finding the funny parts of marriage, you’ll smile and laugh instead of being angry or annoyed. It will make the harder times that much easier to handle, allowing you to get back to a peaceful marriage. Remember these quotes on marriage, and you’ll be sure always to remember to laugh.
Fifteen Funny Quotes on Marriage
1. “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love.” – Robert Fulgham
As Fulgham sums up, life is weird, and every single person is weird in some way. Marriage happens when two weird people come together and combine their weirdness. So, when you think of it this way, love and marriage are a little weird, but they are completely worth it.
2. “If my mother wanted to tell my father something during the game, she had a better chance of him hearing if she bought a ticket and went down there and held up a banner in the stands.” – Ray Romano
One partner in a marriage tends to like sports so much that they tune everything else out. When an intense game is on, it will seem impossible to get through to the relationship’s sports lover.
The best bet for the other partner is to buy a ticket to the game and make a sign to hold up. As Romano jokes, this is the only way to get through to the person watching the game.
3. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.” – Unknown
Married couples have to help one another out with everything, including the housework. If your spouse often hears you say you’ll do one of the household chores, they’ll instantly be happy. The more often you or your partner does this, the better off your marriage will be.
4. “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” – Eddie Cantor
Think about the problems you have to solve with your spouse. Most of them are likely problems you didn’t have before marriage. It will seem like a funny part of marriage that you probably didn’t expect when you realize this.
This isn’t to say avoiding marriage would mean avoiding problems, however. The problems married couples deal with are simply different than those that single people deal with. This doesn’t mean either situation is better than the other.
5. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
Everyone is annoying sometimes, and everyone does something that will get on your nerves. This is the same for you because you will be annoying your spouse often during your marriage. The key is to find the person you don’t mind being annoyed by, which feels the same about you.
6. “Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it.” – Helen Rowlan
You have likely heard (or experienced) how hard marriage can be. However, it seems easy for those who have never been married, much like people think the things Rowlan mentioned are easy. Once you give it a shot, however, you’ll quickly see how hard it truly is.
Remember that the things in life that are the most worthwhile are the hard ones, though. Marriage is worth every struggle and every hardship. Find the humor in it, and you’ll be reminded that it will be okay.
7. “Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms” – Unknown
There are many times spouses can’t hear each other. It seems that instead of moving closer to one another, however, they try to shout louder to be heard. This is one of the funniest parts of marriage when you think about it because it is never dreamed about.
8. “Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.” – Jefferson Machamer
You will often find yourself saying things you wish you could take back. Since you can’t take back what has already been said, however, follow the advice given by Machamer.
Next time, plan and think of what effect your words will have. If you think this way, you’ll avoid the regret of saying something offensive to your spouse.
9. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
Marriage is unpredictable, and you will never be able to guarantee what will happen next. The minute you think you have things figured out, then you’ll have another thing to overcome.
So, when you get married, remember this. If you are still looking for a guarantee on something, follow Bombeck’s advice and buy a car battery.
10. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones
Many arguments are started because of the state of the bathroom a married couple shares. Everyone likes things a certain way, and it is impossible to share a bathroom and have things remain in place. So, to avoid these never-ending arguments, it is best to have two separate bathrooms.
11. “I married for love. But the obvious side effect of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito
While you love the person you married, there are other benefits besides spending your life with your soul mate. One of those benefits is that they can help you find things you have misplaced. Without your spouse, you would have to look all alone and maybe never find what you are looking for.
12. “Marriage is full of surprises, but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?” – Unknown
It seems that when you are in the middle of something, your spouse needs you to do something else. Then, they may ask later why you never got it finished.
Your best bet is to assume that your spouse always wants you to be doing something different than you’re doing. This is a cycle you will notice in marriage, and both partners are equally guilty of this humorous situation.
13. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
You can nag your husband for months to get something done, and they still won’t do it. The minute you suggest that they might be too old to do it, they’ll get started on it.
Keep this in mind the next time your husband is putting off a task that you need to be done. It’s a pretty sure way to get them moving, as they will do anything to prove you wrong about them being old.
14. “At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Unknown
It would be fine if the person who wanted to stay and the person who wanted to go home came separately. Unfortunately, those two people often came together. This is where one of the biggest sacrifices of marriage comes into play.
15. “It’s fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything.” – Lew Schneider
Being married means you will always have someone to complain about. They won’t judge you or tell people what you said, and you’ll feel better afterward.
Plus, you’ll feel closer to your spouse once you have both complained about people together. This strange and humorous benefit to marriage is one that can’t be forgotten.
Final Thoughts on Humorous Quotes on Marriage
While marriage is strange and hard, sometimes, it is also beautiful and wonderful in every way. As these quotes on marriage reveal, marriage is humorous and unexpected. However, accept every unexpected situation and find humor as you go through it with your spouse.
Remembering these funny quotes on marriage will help you through those unexpected times. Plus, they will remind you of the delight you find in your marriage and of the quirks you love about your spouse.
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