We all want to be in positive relationships. No one sets out to date an emotional vampire or an energy thief. But sometimes, you may not notice that something is draining your energy until you’re too tired to think much of it.
Relationships are far from easy, and it isn’t a smooth road by any means. But constantly feeling exhausted isn’t normal, and it’s a big red flag you should pay attention to. Here are some things that happen that show your relationship is draining your energy.
10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy
1. Everything is about your partner.
Relationships are supposed to be about equality. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Here are some ways this may happen.
a) Conversation
You may feel like your partner is always dominating all the conversation and every single situation. They might speak loudly or cause a scene to draw attention in public, or they may simply talk over you or cut you off.
This can happen whether you’re talking in a group or it’s just the two of you. They seem to think their voice is more important than yours.
b) Constant crisis
Your partner may also seem to be perpetually going through a rough time or be panicking about something, no matter what. They may always be stressed out, and most of the time they’re just making things much bigger than they really are.
Even worse, when you bring up something that is troubling you, they might cut you off and insist that what they are dealing with is worse. For them, everything is a tragedy, as long as it’s happening to them.
c) They’re on your mind
There’s a difference between being so in love your partner is always on your mind and being so worried about your partner and what they’re doing that you can’t stop thinking about them.
If you spend too much time fretting about your partner, they might be draining your energy. If you keep hearing their voice chastising you or can’t stop worrying about what they think of what you’re doing, it may be time to leave.
2. You are walking on eggshells around them.
Relationships are meant to be peaceful. If you’re in a relationship, you should feel relaxed and free, and as though you can share anything with your partner.
If it’s reached the point where you have to constantly watch every move you make, you could be in a relationship that is draining your energy. For example, on a regular basis, you may:
- Feel nervous about talking about something because your partner might get angry
- Constantly watch everything you do to avoid upsetting your partner
- Worry that relying on your partner at all will cause them great distress
- Avoid certain subjects for fear of your partner reacting disproportionately or badly
- Fear that even the slightest misstep will get you in trouble
This surefire way to show your relationship is draining your energy is what many call eggshell relationships. These relationships are incredibly toxic and are sure to exhaust you. If you’re always walking on eggshells, it may be time to find a new road to walk on.
3. You feel like you’re being controlled.
In a healthy relationship, each person has their own agency and freedom. In a draining and practically emotionally abusive one, you might feel controlled all the time. Your life may feel like it is under a microscope and subject to constant criticism.
If you feel like you need your partner’s permission to do simple things, that’s a sign that you need to break it off. This permission may feel necessary to:
- Hang out with friends
- Spend your own money
- Go out
- Try something new
- Text or call friends
Your partner may also:
- Demand to see your phone
- Demand to know who you’re speaking to at all times
- Be overly jealous and protective
- Get extremely angry over small things
These are sure signs that show your relationship is draining your energy – and it’s abusive. It’s a sign that it’s time to move on.
4. Being around each other feels like a chore.
There’s nothing wrong with some me-time. But for the most part, partners should enjoy being around each other and feel positive when together. If you’re having trouble doing so, it’s a sign that you’re dating someone draining. Here are some things to look out for.
a) You count down the days to me-time.
Does being alone for the weekend put a smile on your face? Do you feel excited looking forward to a day you’ll get away from your partner? This is a huge red flag. Your brain is rejoicing from a break from the person who is emotionally exhausting you. There’s a difference between enjoying me-time and not being able to wait to get away.
b) You need to recover after being together.
If after hanging out with your partner you feel very tired and need to recharge, it’s a sure sign that your relationship is draining your energy. If you usually have no problem living daily life but suddenly need a long breather after seeing your partner, it may be time to move on.
c) Conversations are exhausting.
Talking to your partner should be a positive experience. If your conversations quickly devolve into frustrations, exhaustion, and an inability to stick to positive thinking, your partner is draining you.
5. You’re In A Negative Mood Constantly.
Have you noticed that you’re always in a “meh” mood? Is positive thinking impossible to dredge up? Do you feel like all joy has left your life?
According to research done by a team at Carleton University, relationships that are draining your energy do not necessarily mean you’re always sad, angry, or in an awful mood. What they do typically cause is an absence of happiness or joy, leaving you feeling like you’re having a depressive episode.
Take a moment and reflect on your mental and emotional state. Are you truly as fine as you pretend to be? Or is your partner draining you to the point that they’re sucking out all your positive emotions?
6. You’ve stopped doing anything just for yourself.
A healthy relationship gives all parties the chance to practice self-improvement. This can come in the form of:
- Career-building
- Making new friends
- Taking up new hobbies
- Trying new things
- Balancing your life
But if your partner is upset when you decide to devote time to your improvement, this is a bad sign and they are draining your energy. This is especially true if your friendships are stifled by a relationship. Studies have shown that socially isolated individuals tend to feel more stressed out and exhausted.
A mature, healthy relationship involves support and advancement from both parties. A draining one stunts your progress – and you deserve better!
7. Your self-esteem is declining.
Feeling good about yourself is important. If you’ve noticed a steep decline in your self-esteem since the beginning of your relationship, you need to take a step back and analyze where it comes from. If it isn’t from depression, anxiety, or some other mental health condition, it might be from your partner.
Emotionally draining partners may criticize you frequently, or take jabs at your insecurities and successes, or even give you backhanded compliments and neg you. These people are highly insecure and do these things to lift themselves up.
In a good relationship, you will raise each other up and support each other. Constant criticism and judgment are not healthy in any kind of relationship.
8. There is constant fighting (and you tend to take the blame).
Fighting is a normal part of relationships, but if every day is dominated by arguments, something is wrong. Fights and arguments are incredibly draining to begin with, so dealing with them often is sure to take a toll on your health.
If your partner tends to instigate arguments and ignores your attempts to de-escalate the situation, they are draining you emotionally. This is especially true if you feel that there is no point in you trying to argue because nothing you say will get through to them.
On top of that, if you always seem to be the “bad guy” who is to blame in arguments, your partner may be trying to shift blame away from themselves and project their issues onto you. According to Ph.D.-holder Lisa Firestone, this is a very good reason to end a relationship.
9. You feel you aren’t listened to and your needs are ignored.
The whole point of partners is to be there for each other, to listen to each other, and to meet each other’s needs when possible and reasonable. If your partner always seems to turn a deaf ear to what you say, that’s a sign your relationship could be draining your energy.
When you talk about your day, your partner is occupied by their phone. Or when you tell them about your problems or worries, you are dismissed and invalidated. When you ask them to fulfill your needs, they say it’s too hard – even when they’re very simple needs to meet.
Feeling lonely and alone, and feeling unheard, are very tiring experiences, especially if you’re pouring your heart out and receiving a terrible response each time. If communication doesn’t improve, it may be time to get up and go.
10. You feel exhausted.
Sometimes, the easiest way to tell if your relationship is draining your energy is to see if you’re exhausted all the time. Feeling constantly unusually tired, especially around your partner, is never a good sign.
If you invest so much love and effort into your partner and they return none of it, you’re going to become drained. When your days are filled with disagreements, you’re going to be tired. If trying to take time for yourself to recharge isn’t allowed, you can’t regain your energy.
Be aware of your energy levels and emotional state. If negative periods are linked to time with your partner and positive periods are linked to time away from them, the problem lies in your relationship.
Final Thoughts On Things That Happen That Show Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy
If you find that some of these points apply to you, does it mean the relationship must end? Not necessarily. Sometimes, bringing up these issues to your partner and working them out will make your relationship stronger and fix these problems.
But if your relationship includes many of these 10 things that happen that show your relationship is draining your energy, and your partner isn’t interested in changing them, it’s time to let go and move on. You deserve better than an energy vampire!
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