Do you feel like you lack the capacity for self-love recently?
Thereâs something you share in common with every single other human on the planet, yet itâs something you likely never think about. You only spend time in your own head.
It doesnât matter how close you get to someone else or how strong a connection you may feel; youâll never truly understand what goes on between their earsâjust as they never get to know every thought that takes place in yours. They can love and understand you and, in many ways, know you better than you know yourself. But theyâll never step inside the chaos that is your mind. Only you know that and accompany it every second of every day.
As such, youâre aware of your insecurities and fragilities. You intellectually know others go through something similar, but you do not know; you only experience what you do. It can leave you fragile, assuming you donât know as much as others; that youâre not as good as them; healthy as them; as clued-in as them.
I sense itâs always been this way, although itâs more intense and frantic in todayâs fast-paced worldâas weâll dive into soon. It makes the importance of self-love all the more critical. Yet practicing self-love (and actually believing it) is harder than ever. Thatâs a problem because it sends you deeper into the cycle of insecurity and doubt. You retreat within and go deeper into your own mindâs eye. It can be beautiful, spending time there. Yet itâs also a place that can quickly turn toxic.Â
So now more than ever, itâs essential to practice self-love daily.Â
You need proactive exercises to set you up for a day of beauty and growth and reactive ones to overcome obstacles that stand before you occasionally.
Weâll soon shine a light on a few of these exercises. But first, you must gather a greater appreciation as to why self love is so hard today. Once you do, youâll likely find it much easier to give yourself a break and say, âI love you⌠I am enough⌠I am doing okay.â
7 Reasons Why You Struggle with Self Love
Do you love yourself?
If youâre like me and many I speak to, the answer is âyes, butâŚâ
That word but sure is a tricky customer.
- I love and appreciate who I am, but I just wish I had done more.
- I know Iâm good enough. But if only I knew a little more than I do.
- I am proud of myself, but I still have so much work.
If you can relate, know youâre not alone. You can simultaneously love yourself and feel pride while battling inner demons and crippling insecurities. To some extent, every person experiences this because every human spends every second of every day in their own head.
That alone makes it hard to practice self-love. When you compare it to a few other outside factors todayâs fast-paced world bombards us with, itâs enough to turn good intentions of self-love into excuses and procrastinations of tomorrow.
1. Hustle Culture Detracts From Self-Love
Hustle culture is more ingrained than most think. Although it does center around long work days and side projects, it goes much deeper than this.
As a species, weâre more connected than ever. To each other, sure, but also a wealth of content, knowledge, opportunities, and so much more. With a swipe of the finger, you can access just about anything you desire. It doesnât leave you much time to step back and reflect.
You have the time, of course. Yet the temptation to say yes to this and that is more prominent than it was for prior generations. It all creeps up on you: a quick check of your email, a little glance at social media, that short video you meant to watch, oh, and that podcast; that article; that book⌠itâs far too easy to lose track of time and waste precious moments.
Moments you could (likely should) spend reconnecting with you and your feelings.
The mere fact hustle culture is what it is makes practicing self-love difficult. You have the time to do it, but itâs in constant battle with everything you can access.
2. Comparison Culture
Thereâs a saying you no doubt know well⌠keeping up with the Jonesâs.
Humans have always compared themselves to others, wishing they had what their neighbors did. The issue is, we no longer live in a world where you come across a couple dozen people each day. Itâs no longer your neighbors, work colleagues, and the odd celebrity you see in a magazine or on the TV screen. Twenty seconds of scrolling through social media connect you with dozens of people living seemingly better lives than you.
Today, the Jonesesâ are everywhere.
You experience micro-interactions with them throughout the day. Bit by bit, it dilutes you.Â
You see someone who seems happier than you and consciously or not compare your situation to theirs. You know you only see an edited version of their life, but that doesnât matter when youâre caught up in your emotionsâand when it comes to social media, you often turn to it during periods of worry or boredom.
When this happens day after day after day, it eats you alive. Even if you do find the time to practice self love, you donât believe the words you say. All you can hear is that inner voice that does nothing but compare you to everyone else.
3. Social Media & The Online World Detract From Self-Love
Itâs not just comparison culture that takes place on social media. As impressive as it can beâand letâs face it, it can be amazing, bringing you closer to people across the globeâthese platforms are designed to capture, keep, and waste our attention.
This is true for most facets of the online world.
From algorithms to manipulative marketers, you place yourself at its mercy each time you log on. Itâs tempting, full of exciting possibilities. Dopamine spikes occur one after the other. You can escape online; be anyone you want to be. But it warps your mind, offering you a false sense of reality and leaving you vulnerable. Again, much of itâs designed that way. These platforms want your attention. They need it. The only purpose it has is to consume you so you consume it.Â
And it works. How often have you scrolled down a never-ending rabbit hole of videos and memes? An hour has passed you by. Maybe two. You intended to go for a walk or write in your journal. Yet itâs so much easier to scroll.
4. Greater Access To Knowledge
For most of human history, people gained knowledge by listening to elders share stories. It was in-person, intimate, and innately slow. You learned by either doing the thing or having someone else teach you.
Then, in the 1400s, a guy named Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press. This brought us into the age of expanded awareness. For the first time, you could passively learn from other people without having to be in the same room as them. Yet it was still slow going because reading takes time. Likewise, printing books isnât something anyone can do.Â
So knowledge, as a whole, remained centralized, hidden by certain gatekeepers.
Thatâs no longer the case. Today, you can access almost anything with a swipe of your finger. The world almost literally resides in your pocket, which is absolutely amazing. Yet thereâs a dark side to this abundance of knowledge because the more you learn, the more you want to learn.Â
Likewise, the more you realize how little you know, understand, and appreciate.
It once again leads you to compare yourself to others and the person you could be: the one you wish you were, that individual in the future once you fulfill your potential.
Sound familiar?
As amazing as our access to knowledge, it makes practicing self-love difficult. Thereâs always the temptation to learn, progress, tap into new realms you didnât know existed, and grow your mind, body, and spirit.
It leaves you struggling to feel worthy, always wishing you were further ahead.
5. Greater Connection To Everyone
With a single voice command, you can likely connect with anyone you know, no matter where they are. Itâs a beautiful opportunity thatâs easy to take for granted. Yet as with all these other amazing opportunities, they house shadows because the more connected you are to others, the less time you have to connect with yourself.
Phone calls. Texts. DMs. Voice notes. Tagging someone on social media⌠the temptation to reach out and say âhelloâ is forever there. Indeed, we feel guilty if we donât message someone for a while. We worry weâre not a good friend or we arenât putting enough effort into the relationship. Plus, when are enough friends actually enough? We have access to so many potential people and itâs easier than ever to find and connect with themâŚ
Often, it leads us to fill other peopleâs cups at the expanse of our own.
6. Addictive Technology Depletes Self-Love
As mentioned, we use (and often rely upon) technology to capture and keep our attention. Specific algorithms exist solely to learn about us, so we spend more time on that app or platform. They are clever, too. They get to know us better than we know ourselves, understand precisely what it takes to make us feel, feeding us with spikes of dopamine that keep us coming back over and over and over.
A refresh of your inbox. Visiting certain apps on your phone in a particular order. Just a little scroll through your newsfeed that soon leads to ten minutes youâll never get backâŚÂ
There was a time we didnât have access to such addictive tools. If we felt bored, we would go outside, do something creative, or think. In other words, weâd practice self-love. A dying art in todayâs ever-evolving world.
7. Abundant Opportunity
This world we live in today is full of opportunities. There is so much we can do with our time. Life is literally at our feet and we worry what might happen if we donât make the most of it.
But what is âitâ?
It could be anything. Yet such an abundance of choice often leads to frequent hopping from one thought, idea, and action to the next. You scratch the surface instead of going a mile deep. You focus on all the things you could do rather than the aspects of life you already possess. It leaves you with a sense of longing, even if what you have brings joy.
It isnât that this abundance of opportunity is bad. Far from it, itâs a blessing. Yet we cannot allow such possibility to distract us to the point we donât allow ourselves to love ourselves.
Final Thoughts: How To Practice More Self-Love, More Often
Writing an article like this feels tricky because itâs easy to paint a gloomy picture of todayâs fast-paced world. That isnât my intention. This period is incredible, and I feel lucky to be a part of it. There is so much to look forward to, and Iâm excited to see how society evolves and branches into new realms.Â
Yet Iâm also aware of an opened box that will never be closed again.
This fast-paced world isnât going anywhere. As time passes, weâll only become more integrated with technology, and everything is set to get even noisier (as hard as that is to imagine). With it, practicing self-love will get more challenging. Yet doing so will become more and more essential.
So what can you do?
You can start with these two simple exercises designed to open a door in your mind. The first is a reactive exercise available whenever you need to slow down and take a step back ⌠whereas the second is a more proactive, holistic step you should aim to take each day.
- Proactive Exercise: as Kamal Ravikant suggests in his book âLove Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It,â spend a few minutes in front of the mirror, looking yourself in the eye and saying, âI love you ⌠I am enough⌠I am worthy.â
- Reactive Exercise: take a walk each day with no agenda other than to allow your mind to unwind.
These two simple exercises help you draw a line in the sand. Committing to them means you look beyond the hustle and reclaim your time, freedom, and energy. It opens a door and, once open, frees you to experiment with other self-love practices.Â
Itâs a wonderful rabbit hole to lose yourself in. Enjoy.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.