Manipulative people are difficult to deal with. There is often no end to the tricks they will use to guilt trip you, twist situations, and get what they want from you. The good news is that most of them use the same statements to get their way, so you can prepare to deal with them.
Learning how to respond to the most frequently used psychologically abusive tactics can help you keep yourself safe from even the most brutally manipulative individuals.
How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators
1.   I trust you; I just donât trust other people.
A manipulative person, especially a partner, might constantly try to control your life. When you ask them why they donât trust you, theyâll insist that they do, but that itâs other people they canât trust. They may use this as an excuse to:
- Check your phone and email
- Run background checks on your friends
- Refuse to let you go anywhere on your own
- Prevent you from spending time with certain acquaintances
This turns the onus around on you, making you seem unreasonable while they look protective and strong. The problem, of course, is that this doesnât make any sense â if someone untrustworthy is able to convince you to cheat, then you yourself werenât trustworthy to begin with.
Whatâs the best response to this situation? Well, it should go a little something like this:
âIâm the person who you are dealing with here. It makes no sense for you to have to trust other people in order to talk to me. By reacting this way, you are making the assumption that I am weak-willed or prone to doing something bad if someone else entices me. Itâs very disrespectful and you should trust in my honesty and faithfulness.â
2.   Youâre being too sensitive/crazy!
This is a type of gaslighting and it can really make you second-guess yourself. When something goes wrong and you try to talk about it or call it out, a manipulator will belittle you for your lack of positive thinking. They might say:
- Calm down, it was just a joke.
- Why do you always take everything so seriously?
- Youâre being crazy right now.
- Stop being so sensitive!
- Youâre overthinking this entire situation.
- Itâs not actually that big of a deal.
- Youâre just misunderstanding me.
- Lighten up!
- Nothing youâre saying makes sense.
- You really need to learn to loosen up a bit.
- This is so unreasonable of you.
It definitely doesnât help that manipulators naturally prey on people who are sensitive, in a positive way â people who are empathetic, understanding, and emotionally intelligent. Thereâs nothing wrong with being sensitive to begin with, and it shouldnât come up when youâre voicing a valid concern.
Gaslighting can make you feel like youâre the crazy one, or like youâre overreacting and being insane. Itâs a common manipulation tactic to trick you into giving in. Donât fall for it! Hereâs what you should say instead:
âThis is something that is very important to me and it would mean a lot to me if you would listen and hear me out. Itâs not fair of you to call me crazy or sensitive just because we donât see eye-to-eye on something.â
3.   I already said sorry; what else do you want?
Apologies are always a good way to go. But manipulators donât use them when they truly are sorry and seeking forgiveness. Instead, they use it as a quick way to get out of a nasty situation and stop you from being angry or calling them out.
Unfortunately, thatâs not how apologies work, especially for more serious transgressions. Itâs normal to need to take some time to deal with the aftermath of what the other person did to you. You canât switch to positive feelings right away.
This is reasonable and perfectly understandable â but a manipulator doesnât think so. They think that since theyâve dropped the magic word, everything should stop right then and there. Demand a fair amount of time to recover from what happened by saying something like this:
âI really appreciate your apology, but apologizing doesnât automatically heal all wrongdoings and wounds. Give me some time to process this and heal.â
4.   Look what you made me do!
One key sign of a manipulator is that nothing is ever their fault. They refuse to take the rightful blame for anything wrong they do and will find any way to twist it so someone else is at fault. Manipulators are unable to take ownership of their mistakes, so they often try to pass the responsibility to someone else.
These types of people might say a number of different phrases to try to pass themselves off as innocent and pin the blame on you. Of course, itâs ridiculous to be blamed for something you didnât do at all, especially when itâs the other person who is hurting you. To shut them down, say this.
âI am only responsible for what I do, and youâre responsible for what you do. It was your decision to act how you did, and I cannot make you act in a certain way, nor can I do that to anyone else.â
5.   I would never hurt you.
This sounds like a good statement with kind intentions. It sounds reassuring and gentle. But manipulators donât use it that way â they use it so you brush less obvious forms of abuse under the rug.
For many people, the deal breaker line is drawn at physical abuse. Meanwhile, emotional abuse becomes more and more prevalent, but youâre not as aware of it. This allows many forms of toxicity classified as psychological and emotional abusive to continue.
A manipulator is very aware that your limit likely lies here too, so theyâre careful to never cross that limit. Instead, they are abusive in âsneakierâ ways that they hope you wonât notice, and they throw you off the scent with phrases like these. So if someone is feeding these lines to you, respond like so:
âYou can hurt someone in more ways than physical. Understand that a lack of physical assault doesnât mean that there isnât emotional pain.â
6.   I already did something nice for you; why are you still angry at me?
Just like with the apologies, manipulators may do a nice thing for you so that youâll drop some issue. They might buy you something expensive or do you a favor in hopes that your gratefulness will cause you to forget their problematic behavior.
Itâs easy to fall victim to this kind of ploy. When someone is kind to you, you might feel bad demanding further apologies or may feel guilty when you are still mad at them. But keep in mind that there is nothing that can âbuyâ forgiveness. It has to be earned graciously with patience and changed behavior.
If a manipulator is trying to make you feel bad because they bought you a gift, say this:
âIt was very kind that you bought this for me, but thereâs no price tag on my forgiveness. If youâre attempting to use this present as a bribe for my forgiveness, you can take it back.â
Or, if they didnât buy you presents:
âIt was very kind that you did this for me, but you cannot buy my forgiveness with chores and errands. If you have an ulterior motive for helping me and doing these nice things, then Iâd prefer you didnât do them.â
7.   I will hurt myself if you leave me.
This is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional manipulation. Someone who stops you from leaving them, or stops you from doing anything they donât want you to by threatening to harm themselves, is incredibly toxic and a danger to themselves and to you.
Why is this so problematic? Well, this is the clearest type of manipulation. They donât want you to do something, so they make it so you will feel guilty and suffer immediate consequences if you do it. That way, they can make themselves look like the victim and paint you in a bad light.
Many people feel pressured into staying with abusive partners because of tactics like this. They force themselves into positive thinking to âsaveâ their manipulative significant other. Donât fall prey to it. Stand your ground and let it be known that you will not be swayed with a statement like this:
âIf you are experiencing these thoughts, please call a suicide hotline or an emergency number. I can help provide numbers for you if you like. I have told you why I have chosen to leave, and my decision is made, so please respect it.â
8.   I understand your feelings, but trust me â I know whatâs best!
No one should be allowed to make your decisions for you. A manipulator will pretend to be looking out for you but is instead pulling your strings to convince you to do what they want. Theyâll use any types of words and phrases to convince you that they understand you when they either donât at all or really donât care.
Yes, everyone could use an outside opinion sometimes, but at the end of the day, you still know yourself best. A manipulator isnât actually seeking whatâs best for you â they are selfish and want specific things for themselves, so theyâre just trying to rope you along.
In any partnership, you deserve to be respected and heard. Your opinion matters just as much as the other personâs; a lack of willingness to compromise or talk it out, instead resorting to cheap tricks like this, is a huge red flag. Donât fall for it. Instead, say this:
âTo presume that you know whatâs best for me, even when I tell you my opinion, is very controlling. I would like for what I have to say to be listened to and respected. I believe that the best thing for us is to make these big decisions together, as what is best for you may not actually turn out to be what is best for me.â
Final Thoughts On How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators
Dealing with manipulators is exhausting. Although we referenced romantic relationships for many of these instances, they work for all types of people, regardless of your connection to them.
Manipulators come in many forms. They can be your partner, a family member, a friend, a colleague, or even a mere acquaintance who you barely know. Â Regardless of who someone is to you, manipulation is wrong, and itâs important that you know how to protect yourself. Shutting down their most common phrases will show them that youâre not someone they can play their mind games with.
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