Maybe youâve been thinking about calling it quits with your significant other, but leaving them seems scarier than staying. After all, many people stay with their partners even if they feel unhappy just because of the familiarity of the relationship. The whole dating scene today looks vastly different than even five or ten years ago, and many people donât want to go through the hassle. Sadly, the prospect of staying in an unhappy relationship seems easier than restarting with someone new.
Studies show that the longer youâre with someone, the harder it becomes to back out of a relationship. According to a 2017 study by the University of Utah, published in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, many factors come into play when deciding to break up with someone or not. Researchers gave out questionnaires that asked specific questions about why people would choose to remain in or leave a relationship. The participants consisted of married couples, people dating, and even those considering breaking up with their partners.
Researchers discovered 27 fundamental reasons for wanting to stay in a relationship: feeling obligated, emotional connection, and investment. They also found around 23 reasons people listed for wanting to leave, such as clashes in personality, betrayal of trust, and disconnection with partners.
No matter your relationship status, you rob yourself of potential life-long happiness with someone new when you stay in a toxic relationship. Perhaps you have lost feelings for your partner or need space for yourself to figure things out. If youâve been confused about whether to leave your significant other, these signs will help you decide.
20 Signs It Is Time to Move on From Your Significant Other
Here are 20 signs itâs time to call it quits on your significant other:
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You have to walk on eggshells around your partner.
A partnership should feel like coming home, a safe place to unravel your innermost layers and show the deepest parts of yourself. If you donât feel comfortable being yourself around your partner, itâs probably time to call it quits. It may seem scary at first to leave what feels familiar, but think how much freer youâll feel once you get fresh air and gain clarity on the relationship.
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You feel like youâve lost yourself in the relationship.
While a relationship brings two people together, they should maintain their own lives and have separate personalities. If you feel youâve meshed too much with your partner to where you donât even know where they end, and you begin, you might need to take a step back. Codependent relationships often involve some level of enmeshment, where personal boundaries become blurry, and partners become overly concerned with each other. When this happens, autonomy gets lost and partners lose their sense of self.
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Your partner doesnât seem committed to you.
If you have a suspicion that your partner might be seeing someone else or that they want a casual relationship, you should talk with your significant other. No one should have to feel insecure and unwanted in a relationship, especially if youâve been with your partner for an extended period.
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Itâs time to call it quits when you feel insecure in the relationship.
You should probably call it quits if you donât feel safe or secure in your relationship. Your partner should bring you comfort and peace, not add to your life’s problems.
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Your significant other wants different things in life than you.
You might need to call it quits if you donât share the same life goals with your partner. Of course, wanting different things in life doesnât have to mean you should end the relationship, but you should share the same values. For example, if one person wants kids and the other doesnât, this probably rules out a long-term commitment.
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Youâre starting to imagine life without them.
You may find that you daydream about a life without your partner from time to time. These thoughts may crop up after a bad fight or maybe just during a night alone, and if it happens infrequently it shouldnât alarm you. However, if you start to notice yourself longing for the single life again, you should take a good hard look at your relationship.
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You feel like youâd regret it if you stayed in the relationship.
If you feel that staying with your partner would leave you with more regret than leaving, youâve already made your decision. You must politely inform your partner that you canât stay with them for whatever reason. Not every relationship lasts forever, but that doesnât mean you canât appreciate what you learned from each one.
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They donât put the same effort as you into the relationship.
Maybe you plan all the dates or buy them nice things even though they donât return the favor. A one-sided relationship canât last too long before resentment starts to build, so if that sounds like your situation, itâs probably time to call it quits.
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You have more bad times than good times.
If your partner seems to put more stress lines on your face than smiles, you probably shouldnât stay with them. Every relationship encounters hard times but shouldnât outweigh the good ones.
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They seem emotionally unavailable and distant with you.
When you spend time with them, they seem distant and cold with you. Perhaps this points to infidelity, or it could mean they donât want the relationship anymore but donât want to tell you directly. You deserve a committed, loving partner, so donât hesitate to end things with someone like this.
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You have suspicions that theyâre seeing someone else.
Do they check their phone constantly and try to hide it from you? This may point to a cheating partner, in which case you should confront them about it.
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The relationship doesnât bring out the best in you.
Maybe you could do better than your current partner, especially if they bring out the stress more than the best in you. If this sounds like your significant other, you should probably call it quits on them.
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Youâre codependent on them.
Do you feel like you canât live without them and donât know how to be alone? If so, this doesnât mean you should necessarily end things, but you must examine your relationship insecurities to maintain autonomy.
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They put you down or blame you for their problems.
If you constantly get blamed for problems in the relationship or take a few too many âjokesâ from them, you should ask yourself why you stay with this person. A relationship should build you up, not bring you down.
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They donât give you time to talk and always make things about them.
They don’t deserve your time or energy if they display behaviors such as talking over you and not paying attention when you talk. Be with someone who adores you and wants to hear about your thoughts and feelings.
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You feel better when youâre alone and dread being with them.
If you can finally breathe when you get time to yourself, you shouldnât remain in the relationship. Maybe they donât act like the same person you met in the beginning. Sometimes people only show their true colors when theyâre committed to someone.
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Your partner keeps threatening to break up with you.
If you constantly have to walk on eggshells because your partner threatens to end things when you make a mistake or upset them, do yourself a favor and walk out the door.
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They try to control you.
No one deserves a partner who wonât allow their significant other room to make their own decisions. Be with someone you feel comfortable with and who wonât try to assert dominance over you.
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Itâs time to call it quits when your family sees the red flags that you donât.
If your family doesnât like your partner, they probably have their reasons. Make sure to value their input and try to see things from their perspective before you call it quits with your partner.
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You feel like youâve had to sacrifice more than you should in the relationship.
If you feel like youâve had to give more than your fair share in the partnership and itâs not reciprocated, itâs probably time to call it quits.
Final thoughts on signs you should end things with your partner
Not every relationship can last forever, and they shouldnât unless you feel you can choose them every day and not regret it. If the doubts start to scream louder than your faith in your partner, maybe you need to take a second look at things. This doesnât mean you donât love or care about your significant other, but sometimes two people need to break up and continue to grow on their own terms.
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