Are you with a partner who is using you?
Relationships arenât always cut and dry. Sometimes, we enter into a relationship with someone who doesnât want the best for us, and wants us for what we can bring to the table. Whether itâs money, sex, or emotional labor, sometimes we can get with people who just want to use us. When that happens, we donât always know it until itâs too late, and weâre left feeling used and unhappy.
Knowing the signs to watch out for when your partner is using you can help make sure you donât walk into a one-way relationship. Here are some red flags for when your partner is using you.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner May Be Using You
âYou can’t always be nice. That’s how people take advantage of you. Sometimes you have to set boundaries.â â Ritu Ghatourey
1. They wonât talk about commitment
If youâve been together for a while – a year or more – and your partner is still talking about âtaking it easyâ and âjust having funâ then theyâre probably not ever going to be ready to commit to you – at least, not any time soon. A person who canât commit may have some deep-seated issues, but itâs also likely that theyâre just using you for what they can get. Once you realize it and start pushing for more commitment, theyâre gone.
2. Theyâre selfish in the bedroom
They want theirs but they donât care if you get yours. What kind of fun is that? If you feel your intimacy is more about them using you to get off, rather than having a mutually fulfilling sexual experience, then itâs probably time to cut them loose.
âHealthy relationships accept that you both might inherently have different levels of libido, and you work together so that your needs for both connection and physical intimacy are met,â says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming. A partner in the bedroom is bound to be selfish in other areas as well. Theyâre just using you for their physical gain, and no one deserves that.
3. Youâve never met their friends
Who is your partnerâs best friend? If you canât picture their face or name them off the top of your head, chances are youâve never been introduced to them. If your partner doesnât feel like letting you into other parts of their life, itâs probably because âthe less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. Or if you don’t know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night,â says Frank on Cosmopolitan.
This is a red flag that theyâre just using you for something, and that they will split once you no longer serve that purpose.
4. Theyâre always asking for favors
Partners do favors for one another. It is normal and healthy for couples to help one another when needed. But, the trouble arises when youâre doing all the work and your partner can never seem to be found when you need something from them. If theyâre constantly asking you for favors and donât seem capable of giving you the same treatment, then itâs a big red flag that theyâre just using you.
5. Theyâre not affectionate
Isnât the point of a relationship to be loving and affectionate?! If your partner doesnât seem to want to kiss, hold hands or snuggle, then what are they doing with you? Chances are, theyâre using you for something else. Or, they only seem affectionate right before initiating something intimate and physical. Thatâs a red flag that theyâre just using you, and they know that withholding affection will get you to comply when they do want something. If itâs not actively benefiting them, they wonât do it.
6. They only want to see you at odd hours
Is your partner always texting you to hang out late at night? Are they only available when no one else seems to be? This is a big red flag. If you never see your partner during the day or when other people hang out, itâs probably because they only show up when they have nothing better to do or want something.
Certified sexologist and author Dr. Sonjia Kenya says, âHeâs always trying to see you, but never makes plans to do anything outside the bedroom, because he only wants to see you in the bedroom. Unlike last-minute âNetflix-and-chillâ texts, planning ahead shows heâs making you a priority.â
Ask yourself why if you canât pin them down outside of 9 pm and 3 am.
7. Theyâre cheating on you
You may not know it, but you have your suspicions. If you have a gut feeling that your partner isnât giving you all of their attention. They might have other people theyâre seeing; this is a huge warning sign that youâre being used. In fact, you might even be the âside chickâ in this situation. Donât let someone use you. Cut ties as soon as you feel that thereâs more than one person theyâre hustling.
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Final thoughts on understanding when your partner is using you
Getting used isnât a fun feeling. If you know the signs, you can stop the user right in their tracks. You deserve better; don’t allow yourself to get hurt. You can also watch for friends who might be getting involved with a user.
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