It’s a hard thing to believe when an argument is actually happening, but when couples argue in a relationship, it can work toward strengthening your bond and making your experience together more positive. If you think about it, arguments are a natural part of any relationship, be it with your family, friends, or coworkers. Why should your romantic relationship be any different?
In fact, a lot of psychologists are willing to go one step further and state that arguments are a sign of a healthy relationship. Healthy debates show that you’re willing to move past your problems and act like grown-ups. But what are the most common things that couples argue over? Here are the five most common relationship arguments – and what you can do to make sure they don’t ruin the relationship you have with your significant other.
Here Are 5 Things Couples Argue About Most (and How to Work Through Them)
“I passionately believe that’s it’s not just what you say that counts, it’s also how you say it – that the success of your argument critically depends on your manner of presenting it.” – Alain de Botton
1. Intimacy
The reason why we put this on the top of the list is that it’s the one that’s most likely to go unsaid between two partners. The most likely reasons for this are either the amount of intimacy that’s taking place (or not), or how creative someone is (or isn’t) in bed. It’s all good when you get down to it, but it’s figuring out what you want and when you want it that often proves to be the dividing factor between most couples.
The problem, according to expert psychologists, has an easy solution – open communication and balancing “duties.” When you discuss this intimate topic, you have the chance to explain exactly what your issues are. It’s only by knowing what the other person wants that you’ll be able to reach a healthy compromise that will make you both happy. Try to approach the issue with positivity rather than animosity and look into how you can get better at intimacy together.
2. Children
Having the added responsibility of brand new human beings to look after completely changes the dynamic of any relationship. Whether you’re married or not, once you become parents, you will most likely find yourself arguing over taking care of your children. That’s perfectly normal. You’ve grown up in different households. Having been brought up differently, you will intrinsically disagree on some things. That will never change. However, there are ways to work through it without letting it damage your relationship.
The most important things are to not let your anger out in front of your child and to practice constructive criticism rather than to just insult your partner. Talk through the way you see things differently so that you can see where the other person is coming from. Try to see the world through their eyes. Just make sure you don’t transfer your anger over to the young ones, as those things tend to stick. Ultimately, it’s not a bad idea to seek advice from someone older and more experienced than you in raising children. Your own parents can be a good source of knowledge and input.
3. Chores
Whether it’s cleaning, doing the dishes or the laundry, cleanliness or messiness is one of the main clashes you can have with your significant other. In fact, a survey has pointed out that fighting over housework is the main reason for divorce in over 25% of surveyed couples. While that sounds like a scary number, it’s important to remember that, like all the other times couples argue in a relationship, the issue of chores can be resolved. In fact, this resolution can lead to both of you emerging as happier, more fulfilled partners in your relationship.
Besides, the correlation between break-ups and messiness isn’t as straightforward as you might think. The way to tackle it successfully, according to scientists, is to keep up the positive thinking and remember that change for the better is possible. Be open with your partner about what your pet peeves are, without being openly confrontational. Putting forth the specific issues in a positive light will help you see that if they change, it’ll be better for both of you. Similarly, listen to your partner if they put similar concerns to you – and don’t just brush them away.
4. Money
Financial disputes is way more common in younger couples – especially millennials – than it is for older couples. Besides, as a survey shows, 82% of the couples who squabble over financial troubles often have some other underlying issues lurking underneath the surface. Money is an unfortunate part of life and, seeing as we’re living in the age when everything is more expensive every day, there’s no way to avoid these kinds of arguments. But how do you get past them?
One word is the key to resolving your financial gripes: collaboration. Working together through your financial differences will not only relieve the burden from the one who might be the primary “breadwinner,” but it will also give you a better leg to stand on when planning your future together. Discuss future purchases together. Make a plan. Split up the bills and the rent dependent on who’s earning what. In all these difficult matters that make plenty of couples argue, you need to walk in your partner’s shoes just as much as they need to walk in yours. You’re a team in this.
5. Commitment
Commitment issues are the one dark horse that can easily ruin a relationship if not nipped in the bud. In fact, commitment-phobes can often be seen as “undateable” or unreliable. If someone does not trust their partner to maintain a stable relationship, this can ultimately lead to the partner losing faith in their ability to be trustworthy. A deep issue like this can sabotage a relationship.
Out of all the reasons couples argue, commitment is perhaps the trickiest one to resolve, as it involves changing someone’s intrinsic beliefs. There are many reasons why someone would be scared of commitment, and the key to getting past them is acceptance. Try to understand why they are the way they are without changing them. Make sure you are both comfortable with your ideas for the future before moving on to the next step in your relationship. That way, no one will be disappointed.
Final thoughts
Arguments with your significant other are never a pleasant experience, but always remember to stay positive and figure out what you’ve gained out of each tough discussion. Ultimately, your bond will strengthen with every hurdle you pass and it will show just how deep and strong your dedication to each other is!
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